Watching the candle burn is kind of calming, the way the fire is living it's own life but still it's under control.
The way it makes my room light up with warmth, the smell of the yankee candle is really pleasant. Find Drift Away really pleasant. I don't think anyone really know how obsessed I am with candles. I love them and I will probably love you forever if you buy me one.
I look back to my computer from the candle and watch the empty page in front of me. I feel like breaking down because I need to write an essay on less than 300 words about myself and so far I got nothing. Like I do not want it to be some fake ass shit.
I take a deep breath and start typing and just letting the words come to me. I do not want it to be something that doesn't feel personal because it's literally all about me and I want to make it my way. And my way is just to sit down and write whatever pops in to my mind. It's me on a paper.
How can you tell someone who you are in less than 300 words? I guess I'll just have to try.
Who am I? Can you really answer that question at 18 years old? Because I know that I can't put down who I am on a piece of paper because talking about my past is who I was... talking about my future is who I will be... so what am I going to talk about?
Am I going to mention the basic facts that I was born on the 14th of May 1998 or that my parents are Anette and Ivar? Probably. But does that really explain who I am? What kind of person I am? No it doesn't so why would I waste your time on basic facts that you can look up on the internet.
If I were about to talk about my present then what would I say that you didn't already know? Because you see me every day, you know who I am when I'm in class... but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm me.
I'm like most people on this earth. I walk, I talk and I see...
I also act different around different people.
Who am I? I'm a mirror... I show you what you want to see, and you only see the things I show you. Truth is that I don't know who I am... but what would be the fun in life if I did? I think I'm only here to figure out who I am, and when I finally do is when I'm going to be on my death bed.
Does that explain who I am? Probably not. Do I care? No.
I decide to send in the text to my teacher before I regret it and want to edit it. Because I know if I edit it then it won't be a part of me. This paper is a part of who I am and if my teacher doesn't see that then she obviously doesn't see all the parts of my mind I put in the text.
I overthink things and that is literally what the text is. I over thought this and just wrote everything I thought. This is me in 265 words.
To Martijn: Hi. I miss you. Bye.
From Martijn: Hello. I miss you too... not bye because I want to talk to you, skype in 10?
I send him a thumbs up so he knows that I'll be there. I decide to pee before I log in on skype because otherwise I know I'll be missing some seconds with Martin, and I want all the time I can get with him... because it's not nearly enough.
I pee and then just sit down on my bed with my computer and waiting for him to call. The minutes seem to pass slower than usual but then again they always do.
9 minutes later I get an incoming video call from Martijn.
"Hi!" I say when his face shows up on the screen, and I love the way his smile gets bigger when I say hi.
"Hi there." He says in his adorable accent. The reception isn't the best so I can't see him as clear as I wish I could.
"I like it when you have your hair like that" Martin says after we have been talking for a while and I smile a little.
"Messy?"
"It's not messy it just looks so really nice. Beautiful without effort" I blush and I honestly hope he can't see it through my shitty computer camera because he makes me feel like a school girl with a crush... I guess that's what I am though so..
"Are you blushing?" the teasing tone in his voice just makes me blush even more.
"No I'm not. I think you need to check your computer if the colors is right... or maybe it's your eyes that's the problem" I say with a smile on my face and I can't help but feel a little bit proud over myself that I don't feel like the words coming out of my mouth is forced.
"Liar!" He screams and jump up from the chair he is sitting on only to spill the cup of water he had on his table on the floor.
"Fuck..." I laugh at his failure and I honestly feel so happy, he makes me feel happy.
"I miss you..." I say quietly. I almost thought he missed it because of quiet it was but then when I look at his picture there is no doubt that he heard it.
"I miss you too... more than I thought was possible..." The last part is if possible even quieter than my I miss you... but I don't miss it, and those words keep echoing through my head. We just sit there for a while looking at each other without it being awkward... the silence is like a thick layer of sadness, the sadness you feel when you miss someone...
Missing someone is a feeling that leaves you empty. Uncomplete.
And you can't do anything about it...
"So how's school?" The words is so obvious an attempt for us to leave the feeling that's hanging in the air... but it's still there.... Throughout the whole call.
We talk for like half an hour until Martin have to wrap it up.
"One question, what have you planned for next weekend?" He asks me.
"Nothing, maybe hanging out with Alex."
"What would you say about coming to Amsterdam with Alex to watch me preform on ADE?"
YOU ARE READING
FAITH (Martin Garrix)✔️
Fanfiction"Hi." The outlines of the words that he's forming with his lips that I can't hear but I so clearly see when he waves a little makes my cheeks heat up, I'm sure he can't see it because of the lighting in here but I feel them getting red. "Hi." I mou...
