FAITH (Martin Garrix)✔️

13

Walking on that train watching Martin stay on the platform kills me. It kills me because I have no idea when I'm going to see him again. I don't know if I'll see him again this year or if I'll have to wait until next year...

I knew it would be hard because he's an amazing person... but I didn't expect it to be this hard. I didn't expect my heart to ache...

I know I get attached way too fast to people but I can't help it, it's just who I am.

There is something so special about meeting someone you have been talking to for the first time, even if it's not for days... every single second together just seems so much more important. I think a lot of people don't see what they have because they don't know what they have to lose until they've lost it.

People always say long distance is hard... I guess they're right. But then again what do I know... I don't even know if Martin feels the same or if the kiss just was like a onetime thing... I don't know... and that is kind of frightening because I can't control it...

Maybe that's what I need... to lose control a little so I don't have to worry about losing it anymore.

When the train starts rolling out from the station and I watch Martin turn and walk away I almost feel like crying... I guess the hard thing is saying goodbye but not knowing when we will see each other again.

The lady that checks the tickets comes by and check my ticket and then I'm left alone with my thoughts. I'm surprised that there isn't more people on this train, because usually it's filled with people and it's horrible to get a seat.

I put in my headphones and let the music take me away to another world. It makes me feel safe, make me feel happy.

I must have fallen asleep during the train ride because I wake up by the voice in the speakers telling me we reach our final destination. I take my bag and walk of the train out to the kind of shitty weather. Like it's not raining but at the same time it is, it's like annoying shit that doesn't really bothers you but after a while it makes you soaking.

I walk over to my brothers' car that's standing outside of the station and sit down in the passenger seat.

"So McDonalds?" is the first thing Oliver says to me when I sit down in the car

"You know me too well" I say and laugh a little when he drives out from the station parking space.

"I don't know you too well... I don't know why you went to Stockholm so suddenly.... Gonna tell me?"

I just keep my mouth shut because if there is one thing I know then it is that Oliver will never let me live it down. He will go on and on about if for ages until he gets bored or find something else to tease me about...

I know he only mean well but I can't take his shit right now.

"Nuggets?" I just nod and he orders a 20 pack nuggets that we will share... it's not the first time we do this... when I was 17 he would wake me up in the middle of the night and ask if I wanted McDonalds, then we would take drive through and order 20 nuggets... and just drive around listening to music while eating them.

I miss it a little bit actually.

"I went to Stockholm to meet a guy who doesn't really have time off that often... he found a gap and we decided to meet." I say after we have been driving around for a while just listening to music.

Just when those words leave my mouth my phone goes off to show that I got a new text.

From Martijn: I'm about to board my plane, I will text you when I land. Enjoy those nuggets with your brother! I'll talk to you soon okay xx

Yes I named him Martijn in my phone... just because I can't say it doesn't mean I'm going to be rude and name him Martin... I don't know if it's rude or not I just like how it reminds me of how he said his own name and how adorable he sounded.

"Why couldn't you tell me this?"

"Because you never shut up. You always keep nagging me about guys and I get so tired of it."

The car goes silence and I know that he understands. I know he won't stop doing it, but he knows how I feel and that he won't pass the line that have passed so many times before.

"Got any pictures?" He asks when he stops the car at a stop sign, there is no other cars around so I just say fuck it in my mind and takes up my phone and show him one of the pictures I took of Martin while he was goofing around on the streets of Stockholm.

"Okay stop fucking with me, come on show me the real pictures of the dude." I knew he wouldn't believe me.

I smirk a little and just swipe my finger over the screen of my phone to change to one with the both of us smiling to the camera.

"Damn Hanna you scored!" He laughs out and turn his eyes back to the road.

To Martijn: I will be looking forward to that text. Have a safe flight and get some sleep you'll need it when you have to get back on the road again. I miss you x

I'm not sure if I should send it but I do, I don't even think twice I just press send and hope that he won't feel like I'm weird.

I just hope I'll see him soon again.