FAITH (Martin Garrix)✔️

4

Saying goodnight to Alex and walking inside the dark house where my family is sleep was pretty hard, because firstly it was freezing outside and the car was so warm... and secondly it felt like if I left I will wake up in the morning and go back to my normal life.

I will wake up and everything will be like before, like this night never happened.

I made Alex drive around the block four times before I actually stepped out of the car and in to the cold night. I then hurried inside because I always feel like there is someone lurking in the shadows ready to hurt me.

Some people would say I'm stupid but honestly when you can't see anything and you're left alone and anything can happen.... It's kind of scary.

I guess I'm scared of the weirdest things, I'm scared of the unpredictable... I need to know what's going on and what's going to happen otherwise my brain starts to over think stuff and I will basically tear myself down from the inside.

So when I'm here laying in my bed looking back at the night I can almost feel it slip out of my hands, the moment will be gone as soon as I fall asleep and I will wake up and it will just be another memory.

Laying there with the only light being from my night light the tweet comes in to my mind... did he mean me? Did he say hi to me over the tweet... or is my imagination playing a tick on me? Because that wouldn't be the first time.

I lay there with my eyes open and the thought keep running through my mind and I am pretty sure that if I don't get answers I will go crazy.

Picking up my phone and opening the app in a blur until I'm there face to face with the screen where the tweet is, it's right there and still I have absolutely no idea what to answer, should I answer? There is so many thought and all I see is those people who have answered him, all those people who know exactly what to write....

And I'm here without a clue what to write and I'm pretty sure he won't even replay... why would he? He probably wouldn't even see it so why am I thinking so much about it? Why does those blue eyes keep appearing in my mind? It's like they are imprinted at the inside of my eyelids because every time I close my eyes he's there, he and his blue absolutely amazing eyes.

@HannaStrxm: @MartinGarrix Hi! Blue eyes

I write the same thing loads of other people already have and I feel so pathetic because honestly I'm not creative and it's nothing that sticks out from the rest, it's nothing that looks different from everyone else....

But still 2 minutes later I get a notification that @MartinGarrix started following me... and I honestly don't know how to react to that... so I just look at my phone for a while until I realize that it's almost 4am and I have work at 9... so I just put my phone down and close my eyes and let sleep take over my body...

And for the first night in ages I fall asleep without feeling like there is someone in the room looking at me, waiting for me to fall asleep so they can hurt me.

I wake up to the horrible sound of my alarm and I feel dead inside. My whole body is screaming no because I have only gotten a few hours' sleep... I know it's not nearly enough to function... but still I put of my alarm and get out of bed.

I only get out of bed because I really need to pee because otherwise I would at least have stayed for 30 minutes just scrolling through my phone.

I do my business and the walk over to the mirror and start brushing out my curly red and blonde hair I have natural red hair and then I did a blonde ombre a while back and I am really liking it. I feel like the red makes my eyes pop a little.

I look myself in the eyes though the mirror and I almost feel bad for the mirror because it has to witness those dark circles under my eyes.

I just shake my head and put my hair up in a messy bun because I know that there is no use to actually look nice because I will literally look like shit anyways in the kitchen so.

I work at this small restaurant in town at weekends and it pays really well and it's really good for my education.

I am planning on becoming a chef so when one of my kitchen teachers offered me this job I couldn't say no. it's a great experience and I live for cooking.

I get dressed in a pair of skinny jeans and a big sweater because of the cold weather. Swedish weather really sucks sometimes.

With an apple in my hand and my bag over my shoulder I start making my way to the bus... just like every other weekend and yesterday is just a memory I can look back at when my life is missing some magic...

I feel the cold wind grabbing at my clothes and I can't help but feel like I should have stayed in bed, because my cheeks are getting so freaking cold that it feels like they will fall off at any second.

But just like every other day I don't turn around to walk home again, I walk to the bus stop and stand there waiting for the bus and thinking about how one day I will turn my life around and stop living a life that doesn't feel like living. One day I will turn everything around and stop existing and start living.

Because it feels like I have been waiting for 18 years for my life to begin and I'm still waiting.