FAITH (Martin Garrix)✔️

27

My bags are packed, my room is feeling more empty than before. This is the first time I will be away from home for a long while.

"Bye mom" I say and hug my mom, I said goodbye to my brother and dad last night before I went over to my moms place. I don't know why but I don't really see why people are so sad about leaving home for a couple of months.

I just feel like I need a change and need to stand a little on my own legs, I need to learn to take care of myself and I know that there is no way of me taking care of myself if I never get to chance to try it out.

One day I won't be gone for a couple of months. One day I will say goodbye to actually move out and maybe not see them as often as before.

"Have an awaking summer now honey, and don't forget to call and tell me how you're doing" my mom say while I'm wrapped in her arms. She knows.

She knows what I'm going though, she knows the trouble I'm having right now with the people in school... with Alex.

She knows how childish they are sometimes and how the looks are hunting me even if I don't want it to effect me at all.

There is just so much a person can take of something until it gets too much.

I know that I act like I don't care, but when someone you used to care about starts acting different and then turns in to a totally different person it's not that easy to not care.

But I don't want what we used to have back. Not after everything.

I had a moment when I thought it would be fine and everything could be fine... but then the smallest thing got big and when I apologised for what I've done he did too.... apologise for what I done I mean.

He apologised for how I felt. For my feelings.

Like everything that ever happened between us was and always is going to be my fault.

"I'm sorry that YOU feel like YOU can't talk to me"

That's what he said... he couldn't have made me feel more small. It's not an apology for his actions it's an apology for mine.

I would have seen it all differently if he put it differently.

"I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't talk to me"

Just a simple change can make such a big difference.

Maybe I get to hung up on words but the thing is words is power. If you know how to twist them and turn them to your advantage then you have the upper hand...

I wouldn't over think this if it was someone else... but it's Alex and he knows. He knows how to twist words... he knew exactly what he was doing.

"Bye" I say one last time and put my bag in my car.

My mom smiles and waves goodbye when I drive out from my home, driving away from everything I know... into the unknown in to the adventure that's my life.

I actually got a text from Alex earlier telling me I shouldn't been such a bitch about them wanting to go with me around the world... I didn't answer. I didn't know how to.

I send a quick text to Martin that I'm on my way to the airport and that I can't wait to see him. That I can't wait to spend my summer with him.

I can't explain the feeling I'm feeling right now. I just need to get out from here, start over even if it's only for the summer... even if it's only for now.

I just need a change... or more like a chance to change me, to grow as a person... to grow as myself.

I'm supposed to be an adult but truth is I don't know how to be an adult. I don't even know how to be myself how am I supposed to be another part of me when I don't even know the first part of who I am.

The road in front of me is filled with cars but it's fine because I know that it will only be for a while and then I will be driving on a road where there isn't as many cars... of course I will have to drive in more traffic when I get to Stockholm but for now I just want to have a calm car ride alone with my thoughts.

I need the music to solve the problem that's called my brain.

The piano sound from the song is surrounding me and I feel a calmness coming over me.

Love likes to float but it drops like a stone in my heart

The music is taking over every bad thought that have been hunting me, every bad feeling that I've been keeping inside of me.

The song continues and I feel a burning sensation behind my eyes. Only a few tears slip out before I manage to get my emotions in control.

Everything bad just wants out, I've been strong for so long... I just need to get out the feelings that's been tearing me a part piece by piece from the inside... but I can't do it while driving....

So a few tears is all that comes out to make it bearable until I can get all the hurt properly out.

The drive doesn't go as slow as I thought it would, I actually surprise myself when I have parked my car at the airport of how little time it actually took.

I take out my two bags and roll them from my car in to the airport... in to the place that will take me to Martin.

After checking in my bags and going though the security controls I just stand there for a while trying to actually get a grip that this is happening.

This is the start of what might be the best summer ever.

Hello my lovely people!

The song mentioned in this part is The People by Nina Nesbitt

I got some awesome news!

Me and my boyfriend ordered engagement rings yesterday... we're getting engaged!!