Chapter 1

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Before,  About 5 years before

Pain.. suffering ... hate, fear, I never knew what was coming next.
My nightmares are my reality.
I live them! I try to forget them, but then they seem to get worse.
My mother can't help me, I've never even seen pictures of her, we look so much alike but I've never met her. I wonder if she would save me, seeing I'm living her nightmare as well.
My father told me often, that he made me for this reason.
I put on a front for school.
I'm only 13 years old, but there isn't much I haven't seen.
My teacher thinks I'm this dirty little girl who has no pride in herself. 
I see her pulling away from me in class, not being able to handle the stench from my unwashed clothes.
Mainly my white dress I love to wear, I have no idea why I like wearing it, I just do.

It makes me feel loved, but what do I know about being loved...

Tonight is another party my father is holding, and again I have to be on my best behaviour, meaning doing whatever is expected.
I pray every day that someone will care enough to grab me, take me or report my father...  Something, just see through my shield.

I don't know how much longer I'll survive.

Walking out the front gates of the school, it begins to rain heavily, I didn't bring a jacket and I'm wearing my white dress again today, it's linen and lace but before long, it's just a soaked piece of material.
"Great, my father will love that."
I mutter to myself with a shiver running down my back, and not because I'm cold.
It's the thoughts that are starting to consume me, that are going to happen tonight.. the nightmares becoming my reality, yet again.

To take my mind to another place I try to think about a way out, I've been stealing money at the
parties, and sometimes some of the men give me money so I can buy some clothes, I don't though... I put it away so when the day comes I can go,
and survive... But that's just a dream.

Turning down my street I hear a loud familiar noise.... our truck, well my father's truck  coming  up behind me, he honks once but  I keep looking down
I know he's been out so he will probably start everything off tonight. I wonder if he will drug me or make me drink so I'm more compliant. Or just force me, then make me unconscious. As he passes I
stare at the back our old Ford F150 wondering if my time is up in this world.
As soon as I walk in the front door it's silent, I glance into the kitchen which you can see from the front door, no one is there, turning right I go towards my room hoping he's out back or dead..... no such luck. "if I can just get to my room I might be ok." I whisper to myself.
"what's that little girl" Frazer asks as I enter my room. I stop in my tracks, my palms are sweating and I don't know where to look. This is going to be bad I can tell just by the sound of my father's voice. Everything he has ever done flashes in my mind. Before I can answer,  he hits me from behind and I land on all fours. I try to scurry away but he's already there stopping me. He's staring down at me, I'm shaking so bad and I just want this to stop, I try to look for an exit, but that was my mistake that's when he belts me into submission and I have nowhere to go. I'm trying not to make any noise so my father will stop, sooner rather than later. But he's too far gone now. Then pain erupts from my temple and I'm fighting to see Anything, colour and my feeling is gone too, then everything is black.

In the back of my head, I can hear grunting, cheering and slapping, as I wake up I  begin to feel pain everywhere. Then I feel a dead weight on top of me. It's where the grunting is coming from. I try not to scream and vomit at the same time,  it just makes it worse. My hands are tied and are being held up by something above me. My private parts are burning, tears start to form in my eyes but I know I can't cry, I can't  react, because then Frazer will whip me, or worse he will kill me. As the man finishes on top of me with his last grunt, I know it's time for the next one or maybe I've been out long enough that I'm done. Then I hear a deep voice I hate, he comes here all the time for me, tells me as soon as I leave school I'm his, I hate him, he beats me, rapes me viciously cuts me, leaves bruises on my thighs, boobs and arms. As well as knife marks where no-one can see them. I start to shake, I use everything I have not to shake,  it only makes him more excited to hurt me.
Out of nowhere, there's a big commotion out the front, noises that make the earth shatter. I must be having a panic attack because I can't breathe but just before I fall back unconscious I can tell everyone leaves the room leaving me naked, tied and bloody.

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