SoraMafu Stories~ [Part 3]

You Are So Beautiful (Part 3)

A/N : Sorry for the author notes for the last two chapters. I'm fucking depressed and down now so I'm sorry. Everything hurts.

      "I...." Mafu hesitated, making Soraru kiss his neck. "Calm down, baby. I won't hurt you." "I'm sorry- I don't mean it-" Mafu sobbed into Soraru's chest, his tears leaving stains on his lover's shirt. "What do you mean?" "I- I hurt myself- cut myself when I'm alone- I just- I can't help it-!"
         "What do you mean, Mafu?" Soraru asked, his eyes clouded. But it is a little too late to stop the albino from talking. Years of pent up feelings had made him depressed, and now he jumps at the question that can make him get all this off his chest.
        "I cut- when you're not home- I can't help it! The voices are so loud..so very loud, they are everywhere- I can hear it everywhere- and I can't breathe, I can't- I can't breathe, no, It's too hard- I can't-" Mafu broke down in another sob and Soraru held him to his chest, murmuring soft words.
           How shocking that both of us has anxiety issues, Soraru thought bitterly. He had initially thought that he could take care of Mafu better than anyone else, but his anxiety attacks had suddenly resumed after five -five years, for gods sake- years, and he absolutely hates himself.
           He could not believe that he is such a useless boyfriend, hurting his precious angel, just by exiting the house. "Shh, it's okay, Mafu, we will get over this together, okay?" He asked, and the albino looked up, his red, red eyes coloured with fear, and hope. "Yes. I'll bring you to the doctor tomorrow. He is a great person, trust me, and no, he wouldn't hurt you. I wouldn't let him." Mafu nodded, and snuggled into Soraru's chest for warmth.

"I love you, Soraru-san." The raven-haired male stared blankly at the wall, before replying, "I love you too, angel."

*°*

          It had been a year, as Mafu is slowly getting better and better. However, he did not notice that Soraru's condition is slowly deteriorating. The raven-haired male had became even more introverted, keeping to himself and confining himself to his house more. He pushed away others and only receives phone calls from Suzumu, and other close friends. Mafu had gone out, but otherwise, the albino stay close to Soraru's side. Soraru wrinkled his nose, disgusted by the food laid in front of him now. His right hand is holding a phone, and he gritted his teeth when he spoke. 

       "I told you, Suzumu, it is nothing," he said in a calm voice as he flipped through a book, having pushed the food away. "Nothing? You have not eaten ever since Wednesday!" Soraru winced. He knew that he should not have told his best friend that. "I am not hungry," he lied, but his stomach growled softly, reminding him of his empty stomach and the gnawing hunger in his body. "Sorarun, just listen, go see a doctor- you can't keep living like this, you will die!"  The raven-haired male stared down at his lap, conflicting emotions in his heart. He knew that death is coming for him soon, but he couldn't do anything to stop the approaching end. He can only stand by and watch.

      "I'm dying soon, Suzumu." As he whispered the dreaded truth out, he could feel his heart caving in. "What do you mean?" His best friend sounds like he is going to cry, and Soraru nodded, even if he knew that his friend could not see him. "I have cancer. Three more weeks." The raven-haired male laughed bitterly, sweeping the plates of food to the floor with one swipe of his hand. "There is no use in preserving my life, I'm dying anyway." His voice sounded more hollow than it has ever been, he realized with detached amusement. "Don't say that!"  Suzumu cried out, and he could almost see his best friend break down. "Have you told Mafu?" "No. It will just send him into an anxiety attack again." "And you dying won't?" "He will find another love. I'm nothing to him." Soraru cut Suzumu's words off, making up a lie that 'he have to go do something', and hung up.

     Soraru raised his fist up and opened it, showing off a silver ring. "I told you I wanted to marry you, didn't I?" He whispered, feeling the pressure of tears behind his eyes for the first time. "I'm sorry I can't fulfill that promise, Mafu." 

Remember when I told you I'll die by love or hate? I was lying. I will die by cancer. Heh. I can't even choose the way I'm dying by, right?

          "Why are you crying, Soraru-san?" He heard someone's voice and dropped his hand, turning towards the source. "Ah, you back?" He asked, forcing a smile onto his face. "Yup!" The albino giggled, walking towards his lover. Soraru felt a pang in his heart. He is sick of lying to this beautiful male, lying, and faking everything. Yet he doesn't want to hurt the little albino, whom he knew, is his soulmate from day one.
           "Mafu, can we break up?"

A/N : Meh. One last part in this and I'm done. I'm sorry for ranting lately. It's just a bad week and I just can't control my feelings like damn I just hate myself.

-Aru