i n s e c u r e

nine

"Want some?" Shownu sat down as he offered Kihyun a snack.

The lad glanced at it and shook his head although his stomach is growling so badly.

"I cant eat chips..I have an ulcer" He lied.

Shownu nodded before looking at their mindmap. Kihyun had drawn some branches and wrote the word 'Happiness' in an elegant cursive font.

"Thats nice" Shownu pointed at it.

"Thank you....have you thought about anything yesterday?" Kihyun looked at Shownu for a brief second before continue writing.

"Nope...sorry" Shownu awkwardly scratched his head since he did not do any of his homework yesterday.

"Its okay...by the way, have you gotten used to this school yet? Its huge right?"

"I guess? Its quite big as compared to my previous school...Although I must say that this school does not have many club activities"

"Club activities?"

"Yea...in my old school, we have lots of them and we always end school late at about...7pm?" Shownu gave a few markers to Kihyun who was busy writing.

"Wont that make you go home late? How about homework and all?" Kihyun furrowed his brows.

"....school is better than home..." Shownu silently mumbled,not realising that Kihyun actually heard it.

...same...

Shownu sigh heavily before taking a pack of cigarattes out of his right pocket and counting them.

"....when did you start smoking?...if I may...ask?" Kihyun stared at the pack curiously.

Shownu shrug his shoulders and played with one of the stick.

"-but I do know that smoking makes me feel better" He replied with a soft smile.

"....Ironic" Kihyun rubbed his nape.

"-...okay but because I care for a friend, I wanna ask you something....have you...ermm....ever thought of quitting?"

Shownu stared at Kihyun and thought,

man this guy ask way too many questions

He felt like they are not at that level where they can casually spill out each other's secrets.

Thankfully, he was saved by Hyerin, who was walking pass the duo. He noticed how Kihyun stole glances of the female, completely ignoring the male in front of him.

Not gonna lie but Hyerin is really beautiful. The only thing that makes her ugly is her shitty personality, and that makes Shownu despise her a lot.

He hates someone who abuses their beauty.

Like just because you are beautiful, doesnt mean you can casually do whatever you want. Beauty doesnt solve everything. It doesnt make you superior than others.

But of course, society nowadays would rather look at visuals than personality.

Kihyun stared at Hyerin every chance he got but when he saw her with her boyfriend, he turn his gaze somewhere else.

"Did you just put Love under happiness?" Shownu tilt the paper towards his direction.

"yea....its like love towards your family gave you happiness right? or your friends? your girl...friend?" Kihyun sneeze.

"I dont think we should categorise Love under Happiness"

"Why not?" Kihyun raised his brows.

"Okay...heres the thing...ermm...what is love to you? Like how do you define love?" Shownu tilt his head.

Kihyun was taken aback by the sudden question but he managed to answer it.

"Well...I guess to me...Love is like a certain feeling of affection you have when you like a particular person? maybe...ermm..love brings you infinite joy and happiness?" He scratched his head before adjusting his glasses.

"Hmm...fair enough....but to me...love doesnt always link to happiness.....love cannot be defined as happiness...love to me is like a random mixture...you know..maybe a fruit salad?" Shownu raised his brows, causing Kihyun to laugh.

"Are you hungry by any chance?" He gave out a small chuckle.

"Noo....hear me out, hear me out...you see, love, at some point, can be the most beautiful thing in your life...right?..for instance ; when you saw your crush" He explained and in a brief second, Kihyun stop laughing, as if he felt like this topic was about him.

"When your crush smiles, the world seems to be brighter isnt it?"

Kihyun glanced at Hyerin and nodded slowly.

"When she laugh, the whole world laughs as well...when she cry, the whole world would be in tears...and when she smile, the world seemed to stop...so that it can admire her beauty...love to me is beautiful...to a certain extend" Shownu smile as he caught Kihyun staring at Hyerin.

"....but....at the same time, love can be the most painful, terrible, horrible thing in your life..." He continued softly.

"For instance, you look at her and you smile
she looked at you and she smile
but then, you saw her boyfriend walking from behind you and you realised.....that smile wasnt meant for you...and that makes your heart ache because you realise that...the reason behind her smile...is not you....." Shownu said softly.

Kihyun blinked his eyes continuously. He knows that he is about to cry soon which is why he tried to control the tears.

"...but I guess thats okay...." Kihyun replied.

"-that is what makes love wonderful...right?...of course it doesnt bring you happiness always...coz..as a human being, we cannot always have the positive thing in life... without the negative part, we would never learn anything..right? Kihyun replied with a wide smile.

Infact, I learn something too

.....

I could only afford to see Hyerin from afar....because she will never be mine....

-

I AM DEEPLY SORRY FOR THE FREQUENT LATE UPDATE PLS KILL ME

BUT BEFORE THAT,DONT FORGET TO STREAM BEAUTIFUL COZ COME ON! MONSTA X DESERVE THEIR FIRST WIN ALRDY!🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣