i n s e c u r e

twentytwo

"Are we gonna do something fun for 30 minutes?" Kihyun arch his brows.

"Does talking sounds fun?"

"Depends" Kihyun shrug his shoulders.

"-if we are gonna talk about BTS,then i can go on for a day"

Shownu rolled his eyes playfully before giving Kihyun his banana milk.

"Can i ask you something?"

"Is it a Math question?"

"Nope"

"Okay go on"

"Do you....ever....watch...yaoi???" Shownu avoided eye contact once he said that.

Kihyun knit his brows.

"YEAH! BL??? I love them! I watch Thai ones usually" He clapped his hands happily.

Shownu knew that if he ask Kihyun to explain the series he watch,it could go on for hours,heck,even days.

"Do you enjoy them?"

"Duh...its actually really fresh to watch something new"

"And BL is fresh?"

"I find it cute"

"What thing?"

"Boy and Boy relationship" Kihyun poke a hole on the carton.

Shownu remained silent as he stare at the ground.

"Dont you find them disgusting?"

"No....love isnt meant to be disgusting...although...i ever seen one viral video about two lesbians(i guess)...was it two girls one cup?Oh god THAT was pure disgusting..dont even search it up" Kihyun nearly vomit at that thought.

Shownu let out a small chuckle looking at Kihyun.But still,he doesnt know whether to spill out the truth or to just keep it hidden inside.

"Shownu"

"Hmm???"

"Can you help me? With something??"

"Sure...what is it?"

"Can you teach me how to lose weight?" He pout.

Shownu analise him and knit his brows.

"Why??"

"Because...i wanna... look good"

"Losing weight doesnt automatically make you look good..besides..you already look good...infact..." Shownu mumble the last few words.

"Infact???" Kihyun furrow his brows.

"...kihyun-ah....do you trust me??"

Kihyun squint his eyes.

"Yea why??"

"...will you trust me? still? 10 years down the road?"

"This sounds like a wedding vow but okay...i still trust you...why???"

"I have something to tell you....but first,punch me"

"Why?" Kihyun widened his eyes.

"So that you wont be able to later on"

"Your 30 minutes is nearly up...just skip to the part already you are making me anxious...i have never been this anxious since Sistar's comeback" Kihyun paused as he thought about their disbandment for a second.

While shedding a tear,he look at Shownu.

"Ohkay....here..erm...the thing is...i have a confession to make"

"Go on my child..."

"You see...i...think..im...in love with you" Shownu said softly.

Kihyun arch his brows as he stare at the male beside him.

"........whhaaa....?" He blinked his eyes.

Shownu didnt know what to do but he sure knows that he needs to tell everything to Kihyun by today.He knows that if he didnt,he wont be able to sleep tonight.

"......im in love with you...and..its...not as a friend or whatever you may think..of....its...as erm...the kind of 'love' someone has for a particular being...you know??" Shownu rubbed his nape.

That doesnt explain anything to be honest and Kihyun still doesnt get it.

"You...like me?" Kihyun stare at him.

Shownu gulped nervously and nod.

"..are you serious???"

"..yea...i know you find it disgusting but--"

"No...its not that...its just...why me? and when? and how???? What qualities do i have? My brain cant process this" Kihyun cupped his face while widening his eyes.

"I just---"

"Why me??? I am fat and ugly and i barely have friends and really.... i am.... worthless...unlike you...your looks are perfect and you can get anyone you like"

"Can i get you?"

"I....but...im a...guy and..." Kihyun massaged his temple.

There are quite a number of things that made Kihyun flabber-gasted.

Like why him?

Why a guy?

How?

And...just what on earth was Shownu thinking?

"Is this a prank?" Kihyun tilt his head.

Shownu sigh heavily.

"Look...i know it sounds weird and you are probably gonna hate me but really....im in love with you...dont ask me why coz i dont understand my feelings as well...but what i know is that,you make me feel like the most amazing human being ever..i just love how you always made my day,care for me and never fail to cheer me up...you were the reason why i continued living in this hell hole and why i never gave up on life...you are my pillar of strength and i know that this feeling i have for you is not normal...i love you for making me feel special...i love you for always being there for me and....i love you for existing Kihyun-ah..you can hate me all you want but i just want you to know that,there is someone out here who still loves you for who you are..even when the whole world is against you,even if you dont feel like living,remember that i'll be here for you...and we will go through all of this together...i just wanna shower you with love coz..honestly,you deserve everything in this world.." Shownu let out a sigh of relief after letting out everything that has been kept hidden inside his heart.

Kihyun on the side,could not say a word.He was rather stunned by this side of Shownu which he had never seen before.Somehow or rather,Shownu's words warms his heart.

why does those words make my heart beat rapidly?