i n s e c u r e

twenty

"I thought it was gonna rain" Shownu sigh heavily.

They were seated at the rooftop while having some snacks. It was 2.30pm and classes have ended. Initially, Kihyun has extra class at 3pm but since it was cancelled, he thought, why not spend some time with Shownu.

Shownu wanted someone to talk to anyway. And Kihyun is the only friend he has which is free.

"How did you even manage to get up here?" Kihyun look around for any guards that might pop out of nowhere.

"Skills" He winked.

"I hope this doesnt get us into trouble"

"Relax...the cleaners would come in after 5pm to do their last spot check"

"How do you know this? Arent you new?"

"Because I sneak into their room and took a picture of their schedule" He proudly showed Kihyun the evidence.

Kihyun nodded, envious of Shownu's skills. He wish he could do something as cool as that.

"Where's Jaemin?" Shownu asked as he offered some kimbap to the male.

"On a date...apparently he met a girl on the internet and started going out with her" Kihyun squint his eyes.

The weather was gloomy but its extremely hot as well.

"Wonho?"

"Same case"

"I wish I could go on dates as well" Kihyun pout.

Shownu look at him momentarily.

"About the project.." He sat and cross his legs. "..when you wrote there 'to know that you are the reason behind her smile'...you were referring to..Hyerin right?"

Kihyun widened his eyes.

If Shownu knows that Kihyun likes Hyerin, he'll probably laugh at him.

"No!" Kihyun quickly shook his head.

"Dont worry...I dont judge.." He smile.

Kihyun sigh and hung his head low.

"Its weird... isnt it?" He mumbled while playing with the hem of his shirt.

"Weird? No...love is not weird" Shownu fish out his pack of cigarettes and count them.

"Who am I kidding?....I cant fall in love with her...how did I even have the audacity to love her" He massaged his temple.

"Everyone has the right to fall in love....but...Im just curious...why did you like her? Was it because shes beautiful?"

"No...everyone in this world is beautiful..the only thing that made them ugly is their personality...so no...it wasnt because of her beauty"

"Then? I'd guess its her personality but...ergh" Shownu lit one of the sticks.

"....would you trust me if i said that it was her smile?"

Shownu cough hard the moment Kihyun end his statement.

"Oh god nooooooo....where?" He coughed harder.

Kihyun wanted to get mad at Shownu but he ended up laughing.

"Im weird I know...its just that she has a really sweet smile and it actually brightened up my day" He blush slowly.

Shownu analised Kihyun's actions and that made his heart ache so badly. Kihyun love Hyerin so much but all the girl did was to degrade him. She brought him down so bad and all he ever did was to love her even more.

"Sometimes...when its not meant to be...it isnt" Shownu let out a small puff.

"Im trying to forget her...so I can move on..its painful falling in love with Hyerin to be honest" He let out a small groan.

Kihyun then got up slowly but his legs gave away. He was about to trip when Shownu help him up. Unfortunately, Shownu grabbed the hand where Kihyun made cuts on it. And it is still fresh.

"Ouch!!" Kihyun pushed Shownu's hands away as he stabilise his posture.

"Why why??" Shownu widened his eyes before stepping on the cigarette butt.

"N-nothing" Kihyun slowly held his hands.

Shownu notice his weird and awkward reaction. Something must have happen.

"You know...the weather is damn hot and I see that you are perspiring" He pointed at Kihyun's forehead.

"Im just not feeling well...I think I should--"

"Are you hiding something from me???"

"No???"

"We have been friends for 5 months and I think thats enough time to know all about you Kihyun" Shownu knit his brows.

Kihyun tilt his head but upon making eye contact with Shownu, he quickly avoid it.

"Im fine...dont worry" He fake a smile.

"Give me your hand" Shownu said sternly.

"Why??" Kihyun hid them.

"If you dont have anything to hide, then show me"

"Im really tired Shownu I dont think-"

Shownu grit his teeth silently before pulling Kihyun's hands. Since Kihyun totally didnt anticipate on this, he didnt have time to defend himself.

In the end, Shownu managed to take out Kihyun's jacket and caught a glimpse of the scar.

The both of them stare at each other before Kihyun let out all the tears he had been controlling.

He held his hand tightly and closely to him.

Shownu who saw Kihyun cried couldnt stop blaming himself. He doesnt know that Kihyun would ever do such a thing to himself.

Just what did he experience to resort to self harm?

"....kihyun-ah..." Shownu slowly voice out.

Kihyun just stared at the ground as tears slowly trickle down his cheeks. He knows that he looked terrible now. To him, a boy crying isnt manly at all. Boys shouldnt cry.

But Shownu thinks otherwise. Boys or Girls, we are Humans and at some point of time in our life, we will definitely encounter something that would make us cry.

"...im sorry" He immediately pull Kihyun into his embrace.

Even if Kihyun were to push him away, he would still hug Kihyun and tell him that everything is alright. He wants Kihyun to cry as much as he can and let out all the tears he has been bottling up inside him

Because he wants Kihyun to know that even when the whole world is against him, Shownu is here.

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