i n s e c u r e

fifteen

Mrs Lee came out of the house after hearing the commotion. Her husband was upstairs and Shownu was still outside.

He stared at the papers on the floor as he held back his tears.

what am I?....

He asked himself.

...am I...a trash?

He doesnt even have a father now.

So...really...was he a trash?

Shownu quietly grab his bag and was about to leave when Mrs Lee stopped him.

"Shownu dear what happen?" She asked.

Shownu looked at this poor lady and shook his head.

"Nothing happen...thank you Mrs Lee...for all the years you have been very nice to me" He smile softly.

"What--? Wait why are you--?" Mrs Lee paused.

Shownu was walking away and Mrs Lee noticed how his shoulders went up and down. She knows that no matter how strong Shownu is, he breaks down at some point.

She sigh heavily before going back into her house and running towards Shownu.

She grabbed Shownu's hands as she placed an envelope in it. Shownu widened his eyes at Mrs Lee's sudden act.

"Omg no Mrs Lee I cant--"

"SHHHH! Just....just keep this alright?...I know your mom have been giving you money she get from..." She paused and sigh, " anyway...take this alright?...and promise to me, that you'll study hard!...dont ever think of quitting school okay? If you ever need money, dont ask your da---...dont ask Mr Son....ask me....I love you my dear...always remember that...you have a mother here" Mrs Lee carress Shownu's face as he ended up crying and breaking down.

Mrs Lee immediately pulled Shownu into her embrace. She hugged him as tightly as she can while holding back her tears. She have seen Shownu from when he was 7 years old till 17. It has been a wonderful journey but it saddens her to see him like this.

She couldnt do anything much since she isnt financially stable. But she knows that the least she could do was to give Shownu a mother's love.

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Kihyun looked around the cafeteria but Shownu wasnt around. Usually, Shownu would be seen buying his fruit juice at stall number 1.

The male pouted. Jaemin is not around too since he is going on a date with his girlfriend.

Kihyun wanted to sit at the cafeteria but it was packed. He notice Jay and his gang but decided not to sit with them. It would be very awkward.

In the end, he decided not to eat. Instead, he stayed in his class.

Kihyun heard the thunder along with the sound of the rain. It brings him comfort whenever it rains. To add on, the view of the school from his classroom is wonderful.

The male entered his class and grab his bottle since he was going to fill it up so that he wont be thirsty during the 2 hours of Math lesson.

The lad then head over to the drinking water fountain. The machine was placed near the rooftop and when it is raining, the water is super cold, which Kihyun preferred.

He would always stand there as the breeze of the rain brushed against his skin.

As Kihyun got nearer to the machine, he noticed something odd. The gate of the rooftop is opened. Initially, the rooftop is out of bounds for students except for cleaners.

And if cleaners do make their rounds, they always ensure to lock it after.

Kihyun walked towards the gate and looked at the lock closely. He was about to shrug it off when he caught a sight of someone at the corner of his eyes.

There was a male, standing at the end of the ledge, with his head hung low.

Kihyun widened his eyes when he realised who it was. He doesnt need the male to turn around and reveal his face to know who it is.

Without hesitation, Kihyun ran towards the male.

He knows that he has to act fast because, Shownu, has already decided to jump.

It was by luck that Kihyun managed to grab the back of Shownu's uniform before he fell.

The both of them fell behind and hit onto one another. Kihyun's heart beat rapidly as he tried to clear his vision. He has a phobia of heights and this honestly made him tremble in fear.

Shownu hit his elbow against the concrete but it wasnt a big scratch. He wiped his face as he turned towards the person who pulled him. He angrily stared at Kihyun and pushed the guy away.

"Yah!!! Why the hell did you stop me for?!?" He shouted.

Kihyun stabilised his posture before answering his question," I...I dont want you to fall!" He choked.

"Let me be! I cant live in this shit hole anymore....I wanna die!" Shownu let out a faint cry.

"Hey look...I dont know whats your problem okay but theres definitely a better way to solve this!" Kihyun looked at the male in front of him.

Seeing this side of Shownu somehow breaks his heart.

"No! You dont understand me Kihyun!... No one fucking understands me alright?! Do you know what sort of drama I have to deal at home?! My mom is a fucking mistress and all she does is to scold me, hit me, curse me just because I am an illegitimate child! AND GUESS WHAT?! I thought I had a father but turns out, I dont even know who is my dad! So dont tell me theres another way to solve this when you have a much better life than me---"

"HEY!!! If you think that my life is better than yours, then you are fucking wrong okay?! MY LIFE IS A MESS! My father left me when I was a kid! My mother remarried and she got a jerk as a husband who always have this stupid plan on making us fall apart! My mom would always scold me and you know whats worse?! I CANT FUCKING TELL ANYONE!!! NO ONE LISTENS TO ME! BECAUSE WHY? I AM A FUCKING OUTCAST OKAY?! I cant have my own freedom, I barely have any friends because everyone sees me as a fucking elephant just because of my size! Everyone calls me ugly, everyone treats me differently from my siblings and NO ONE WAS THERE WHEN I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP! But you know what?....I still love everyone although it fucking hurts in here...I still care for them..I look out for them..because why?... because I dont want them to feel what I feel...." Kihyun finally broke down.

He couldnt held it back any longer. He couldnt veil his sadness anymore and let people say whatever they want.

"...If you think I dont know you, I dont understand you, then you are so wrong Shownu.....you know what? Im gonna find out everything about you, Im going to learn every single thing about you...and then you wont find the reason to say that I dont understand you..." Kihyun look up at the male.

"....kihyun...I--" Shownu paused.

"...I dont care about your opinions...I just dont want you to kill yourself...you still have a long life ahead of you...somewhere along the way..you'll find a reason to live again...." Kihyun sigh heavily as he wiped the tears that fell down rapidly from his eyes.

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