Obsession

Hello Old Friend,

Satine watched the brothers eat together. She was confused, Maul seemed more uplifted and determined. He even had Feral laughing at one point. As she watched the boys eat, she noticed Maul had a data pad in one of his hands. After they were done eating she saw that Maul was typing something into it. She jumped when Maul had growled at Feral after the younger brother tried to look at what his brother was doing. Feral was finished eating he told Maul that he was going to the bathroom. After Feral got up he saw Satine watching them and he walked over to her.
"Hello Satine." Feral happily greeted her
"Hello Feral, uh, what's that your brother is doing on the data pad?" Satine couldn't help, but ask.
"I gave it to him, I hope you don't mind. I told him whenever he felt like he was sad or felt like... doing something to record how he was feeling. It usually helped Savage whenever he got sad or upset when we were younglings." Feral explained
"I saw that you two were laughing," Satine commented
"Oh yeah, we were just talking about what he was going to start writing about in the data pad. He said he might as well put his adventures down in it before he met everyone, when he was a Sith Apprentice. Like how difficult it was to get away from people when he was a youngling because no one would stop saying how cute he was." Feral explained and they both ended up laughing for a bit before Feral remembered why he got up. He quickly excused himself and quickly left to the bathroom.
Satine walked over to Maul and sat down where Feral was.
"Morning Maul." Satine smiled softly at him. Maul jumped and turned off the data pad before she could see what he was typing.
"Morning Satine." Maul replied still looking at the data pad wondering if she saw anything.
"So, I over heard you tell Feral about the story of when you were younger." Satine smirked trying to keep it in a light mood. She didn't want to tell him that Feral had told her.
"Really?! You over heard that?" Maul said shocked he must have been talking louder than he thought. Maul let out a sad sounding chuckle. "After my master found out about it... he had changed my tattoos. Officially than, from a Dathomiri to a Sith."
Satine didn't know what to say. She wanted to keep the mood happy and jokingly, but the end of the story had yanked the mood down. She was sure Obi-wan would know what to say if he was here. She had missed Obi-wan. Everyone did, but no one more than Maul and her. They both knew the bright Jedi the most and longest. Satine thought that when she met Maul she would hate him for taking Obi-wan away. She had loved Obi-wan before Maul, but Obi-wan had chose Maul and it somehow made her happy for the ex-Sith that such a great Jedi would chose him. Now all she wants to do is comfort him like Obi-wan would. But after what happened the night before, she knew that her trying to comfort him like Obi-wan would was just another thing that hurt him. He didn't like it when she did that and she now understood that.
She thought for a second trying to think of something to say.
"Well what ever you decide to write about, just remember it's you and it's there to help you feel better." Satine smiled at him and she was happy when she got a small smile and a nod back.
"Feral had gone to use the bathroom, I guess I'll go and use it too. I don't want to leave him alone for too long." Maul said and quickly left in the direction Feral went. Satine went to stand up, but saw that Maul had left the data pad on the table. She looked up thinking if she should just leave it be. With the way Maul is now, it could be genuine, but it could just be an act so he wouldn't worry anyone. Satine moved into Maul's seat. She looked up and listened for a second to see if she could hear Maul's metal footsteps. She guessed it was clear and turned on the data pad. There was two entries in it and she paused. Did she really want to look into it? She just wanted to see a bit of it. She really didn't want to intrude, but she knew that people can say one thing to the people around them and there's the stuff they only say to themselves.
She clicked on the first one and started to read it:
There's so many things I want to say to you right now, Kenobi, but I don't know how to start anymore. I guess I could start like this was some kind of letter.
Dear Kenobi,
The first thing I want to ask you right now is why. Why in the blazes did you do those things? First, you send Satine that transmission. I understand why you told her, why you sent me to her. No. I don't really understand that. Why did you want me to be with her? She's too much like you. Your damned pacifism and understanding when to fight and when to run. It's painful to be near her. It's worse because she doesn't know what to say to me. She doesn't know me to know what to say so she says things that you would say. Why Kenobi? Why did you have to leave me? After you left everyone else started leaving as well. First Savage. Than Mother. I can't bare to watch Feral or Satine leave me now. Not after everyone on Dathomir was killed too. And it was all Sidious. He did this to me. To you. To us. I had told that everything was going to be fine and I meant it, but you being the Jedi you are, you just had to be the hero didn't you? We had finally put the past in the past. We were moving on!
Feral keeps reminding me that you are in the Force now, so that means that you are all around me, watching. But it doesn't feel like it. It feels like Dathomir, Zanbar and Mandalore are all crushing me. I let so many people die Kenobi.
Arsayh, a Mandalorian youngling, I had let her father die and now she's an orphan. Like Feral and I now. I guess Sidious isn't the only twisted one. The Force is too. You always said that the Force is what wills things. I guess it got me back. I let Arsayh's father die, I let her only family die. So the Force let my only family die. You, Savage, Mother, Dathomir.
I don't want to lose you Kenobi. I never did. I was only trying to make things better! I thought I was getting better after you and Savags died when Satine made me the leader of her army and when we crashed on Earth. I thought I was getting better, but it only got worse. When Mother died and gave me that potion, she said it would bring back my only happiness. Right now my only happiness would be dying. To be with you again. But this time forever. No death. No fear of anything. We would be happy. Right?
But now I realized something. I can't join you in the Force yet. I still have people here who need me. Feral and Satine. I can't leave them to face Sidious on their own. I'm the only one now who can stop this monster.
I still have so much left to say to you, but I don't know how to even say it.
But I do know one thing my dear Kenobi. There's only one way for me to move on. For me to get back to my life, like you would want me to do. It means I have to say goodbye to you, Kenobi. And I never thought I would be able to do it, but I know I have to. I know it's time to let you go. It's been almost 6 months since you left. So I guess it's pretty over due isn't it? I hate this you know. Not being able to hold you here. I don't know what would be easier: you standing in front of me and telling you this or this. Goddesses, I wish you were here. I'd get to hold you again and kiss you.
Now I have to deal with this. You being dead. So I guess I've stalled on long enough. You would probably tell me to just say it and get it over with. So
Damn it I don't want this all to fade away! I know if I say goodbye I'll never see you again. Like you'll leave my dreams too. Like you'll leave my thoughts.
I have to do it though don't I Kenobi? I just wished I was given more time with you to fix most if not all of my mistakes. I loved you Kenobi. I loved you more than my own life. I would give anything for you to be here one last time.
But I guess it's time now.
Goodbye Kenobi.
I really hope to the Goddesses that you're in the Force and that you stay with me until the day I come and join you. But for now goodbye.
Goodbye Kenobi.