Dear Diary,

Drunken Dad

Though my dad isn't an alcoholic...yet, he gets drunk often on the weekends and it isn't all that nice. My mom works late most of the time so I barely ever see her and frankly, I doubt she gives a fuck about anything anymore.

Anyways dad always gets drunk as hell and either comes home early with some slut he met at the bar or comes home late and yells at me in a slur and then crashes on the couch. Either way, it is very unpleasant, I either hear...noises throughout the night or I cry and hide in my room until my dad crashes.

So ya, most people would be happy, it's a Friday night, the weekend is here, and most teens are either at a friend's, making out with their girlfriend/boyfriend on the verge of fucking them, or at a party, getting drunk or high and having sex.

Me, I'm at home writing in my diary, waiting for my dad to leave for the bar...wait... he just left, HALLELUJAH!!! I am home alone until at least 3 am, or until dad gets himself and a girl drunk enough to take her here and fuck her. Hopefully, he is just out all night I am not really in the mood to hear a sex session.

Today was one of the few days where I was pushed down, but what's bad is I was pushed and slid into the boy's locker room where I saw my ex-best friend Selena having sex with my old crush/only boy best friend, Kamron.

I have to say, it fucking hurt because she was my only friend but when she found out I liked Kamron, she told the whole school and I was bullied. Of course, I ended our friendship once I found out and of course it was all my fault. I mean it was common knowledge that a normal, unpopular girl like me could never actually date a popular, cute, athletic, guy like Kamron.

I have learned a few things from that, one, never trust a girl who was unpopular but was on her way to becoming a popular. Two, never EVER think you can have a chance with a popular guy, it will never happen and if it does...HOLY SHIT, PUT IT ON THE CALENDER!!!! Because that will be a day to remember.

I remember when I was little, I was told, "love yourself, love others, and always see the light in all the darkness". But then I grew up and now I don't love myself (ha), I don't love others, and I don't really see much light as I do darkness. After all, after 3 years of bullying, 2 years of abuse, and never being loved by anyone, there isn't much light I have seen in the past 4 years (I started getting dark a year before all of it began).

Shit! Dad has brought home another drunken slut, I should go and plug my ears the best I can, it's gonna be a long night. I will be back when I can, and thx for always being there when I had no one else who would listen to my problems, rants, and struggles. You are my only true friend, thx for everything, my own, private, personal diary that is filled with things I will never say.

Sooo......how am I doing?

Thoughts....
Feelings...
Comments...