Dear Diary,

Fuck It

FUCK ALL THIS SHIT, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

I am sick and fucking tired of everyone saying that I am just "the fuck up" or "that one slut", I am fucking tired of it all. I am tired of my dad constantly yelling at me and saying his life would be better if I was just gone.

 I am sick and tired of constantly crying on the inside and every time I am alone, crying on the outside. I am sick and tired of cutting my wrists just so I can feel.

 I am sick and tired of living in the hell hole I call a life!!!

I am fucking done, I don't know if I can do this anymore. Today was the worst day of my life, I woke up and actually was in a good mood, I am such a fucking idiot, I actually thought today would be a good day but no!!! 

I had to be an idiot, I had to believe that today would be different, anyways I better tell you why I am this way but know that I might not make it much longer. I am getting tired of the hell hole I live in.

So, today there were two new students, Jailyn and Grey, brother and sister. They are a year apart and are both freshman, Grey got held back a year where he used to live. So ya, no big deal, but it is a big deal for me, I already get bullied by like a thousand kids, well now it's going to be a thousand and two.

It's not that they were bullying me today, it was that they were actually nice to me, Jailyn wanted me to be her friend and Grey was talking to me.....actually fucking talking to me. Someone needs to warn them before they get bullied too, they need to know that it is best to stay away from me.

It's not that I don't like them it is the fact that I don't want them hurt. I like them and I'm sure they would be amazing friends but I don't want them to get bullied. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better but I doubt it.

Oh ya, I forgot to tell you what was the worst part. The worst part was when one of my ex-best friends Janiqua said,

"Oh, look, another new boy, maybe he will have sex with you before he finds out what you are really like you little slut."

"I don't like him and I'm not a slut.......you snotty little bitch......".

"What was that you little whore!? What did you say!? You said it so quiet I couldn't hear you? Is the little cunt trying to stand up to me!?"

"I didn't say anything, leave me alone."

"NO! You and your slutty ass mouth better tell me!? Or are you too scared to say it, hm, is daddy's little girl all run out of strength from being abused all the time."

"DON'T YOU EVER MENTION MY FATHER AGAIN!!!!! And don't you ever, EVER, call me daddy's little girl!!!! You know damn well how I feel about my dad so how about you just shut the fuck up  you snotty little bitch, y-"

SLAP

"DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME THAT!!!! YOU LITTLE......you little...."

"You little what!!! What other names you got??? I have been called about every name in the book!!! What else you got???"

SLAP, KICK, PUNCH, SHOVE

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!!! You little slut, you will never be anything more than the whore you are, so don't you EVER think you will ever be more than a cock sucking, daddy's girl!!!!!!!"

I was beat even more by Janiqua's group of bodyguards after she left, it was the worst day of my life and I don't know how much longer I can hold on........but I hold on for mom, if she can make it through the abuse and heartbreaking nights then I can make it through this.

Maybe someday things will change for the better and maybe something...........or someone can be my savior and make things better. Maybe one day everything will stop and God will have mercy on me, I used to tell my cousin, Jessie that God gave his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.

Now, I am not sure what I believe, I want to believe that God has put me through all of this for a reason, but I am not sure anymore. I just can't wait until the day I get to be with Jessie, she was the only one who would understand my problem, she goes.........went through the same stuff I went through, until she lost her fight with the abuse and bullying.

I better go before I ruin this page with my tears, thank you for being there.

Soooooo sorry if you didn't like this chapter, I had to "vent" if you will...long story.

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Love ya'll, bye <3