The Resistance

Chapter 19

{Jahmir}

Her beauty often comes as a disguise
It's something she cannot see with her own eyes
Insted, her looks she despise
Why
Why
Why has society killed her confidence
Why has society came up with a bunch of nonsense...

"Nonsense like this shit I'm trying to write." I mumbled as I balled up what I wrote. I'm just not talented at all anymore. Can't come up with good poetry. Can't draw for shit. Just pathetic.

Anyway, Kaelynn stays on my mind constantly. I just... I just wish that I had the power to change things. I would love nothing more than to hold her in my arms every single day. I want to express to her how beautiful she is, and I want her to believe me. I want her to be the one she can always come to with anything. I cannot be any of that though.

I'm Jahmir. I can only be Jahmir. I can't do anything to change how she, or anyone else for that matter, feels about me. I've tried and tried, but it's no use. Pops will be the only person that ever truly loves me. I've said this so many times in my head, and it's really sinking in more than ever now. It hurts, but I'll just have to get over it. Deep down I know he'll end up getting tired of my ass  too. Then when he does, I won't have anybody. Not one single person.

"Son!" I heard pops from the foyer.

"I'm in the kitchen pops!"

He came in with a dark blue suit on. He didn't just come in the front door, so I'm assuming maybe he came from his room. He's probably been here for a while.

"Are you just getting here?"

No hey, hi, or nothing. Wow. Don't tell me he's already tired of me.

"It was going on four when I got here pops. I've been in the kitchen this whole time though."

The first week of school isn't even over yet and we've already had hella homework. I've been trying to stay on top of it by getting it done as soon as I come home everyday. I'm trying to make sure my grades stay good this year. I don't want anything keeping me from graduating.

"Do you think I should wear this suit or my burgundy suit?"

Both of them are a bit... outdated. Much like a lot of his wardrobe. But hey, if anyone can pull it off, I'm sure it's him.

"Depends on where you're going I guess."

"Ellen and I are going to get dinner."

Him saying that made my heartbeat quicken for some unknown reason. It's just, I didn't expect that. He'd already been showing her around the city. Ellen and her granddaughter actually moved into one of the houses across the street from us. I've seen a lot of Ellen. Janine, not so much.

"Another date?" I scribbled on a blank sheet of notebook paper. "Cool."

If only grandma was still alive. Ms. Ellen is a nice lady, but... Nobody could ever replace her in his heart, could they?

"Helen will forever be my one and only love, Jahmir. No need to worry."

It's funny how I typically don't have to tell him what's bothering me. He'll usually already be able to tell what it is. Much like how grandma was. Nothing could ever get past her.

"Okay." I shrugged my shoulders. I don't know what he expected me to say. Pretty sure he already knows what I'm thinking anyway.

"Look I know you might not believe me, but she is just a friend."

"But... You have plenty of friends already." I groaned. "Why gain any new ones? You have too many."

"Jahmir don't start acting like a brat on me. I'm grown. I work hard. I should be able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. Just because your only friend bailed on you doesn't mean I can't have friends."

I can't believe he just went there like that. Then the tone of his voice... I could feel us drifting apart, but I just... I don't know.

"Your problem is that you don't have enough Jahmir. Lighten up and maybe you can have at least one loyal one."

His words attacked my heart. In all my years of knowing him, he'd never been this rude to me. But I guess I shouldn't have said my opinion. It was kind of rude of me. I shouldn't have said anything. The wrong thing always comes out.

"I.. I... um..." I cleared my throat. "I... I'm sorry."

He tried to stop me, but I got up and ran up to my room. I locked the door before laying on my bed.

Tears raced down my face as I laid in silence. It's like I don't even know what's going on anymore. I'm tired of my life and I don't know what to do now.

Perhaps this world would be better off with one less burden.