The Resistance

Chapter 34

{Jahmir}

Numb. I feel numb.

What I once built up the nerves to do, I now can't. Kaelynn stopped me before I could end my own life.

Deep down I know I probably wouldn't do it anyway though. But I was so so close. It's just, the fear of the unknown. As much as grandma tried to instil her religious beliefs in me, I still don't know if God exists. The only people who truly know are the people who have already died. What if there is nothing after we die? What if our souls are simply vanished? With what I was planning to do, there is no way I would go to Heaven anyway. That is, if there is a Heaven.

There was something she told me. That was to never give up. Later in life, she told me that moving on is perfectly fine. Doesn't mean you've given up. It only means that you're choosing yourself.

My plan is set in stone. When I turn eighteen, I'm leaving. I have some money saved up. I'm gone. I want to leave now, but I can't do Kaelynn like that. Not right now. She is just starting to find happiness in life. She is progressing, and I would hate to take that away from her.

Speaking of her, she showed me a side of her that I haven't seen in a really long time. She is genuinely worried about her sister. I could just sit here feeling sorry for myself, but that won't help me at all. It won't help Kaelynn or Mikayla either.

On my way out the door, I sent Mikayla a few texts.

Me:

Hey big head 👀👀 Wanna casually hang out at ten at night?

Me:

Want some food? My treat. You can even pick the restaurant.

Me:

So how's the umm deberes  coming along?

Me:

Foreal KayKay. We are all worried about you. ALL! That includes Kaelynn of all people. I have no idea where she is right now, because she is out looking for you. We just want to make sure you're okay.

Me:

If you really love me, you will meet me at our secret hiding spot.

Just like with Kaelynn, Mikayla and I found our own secret place. Kaelynn used to be so mean to her. I just wanted to make her feel wanted and loved, so we went exploring one day. We found an area a few miles from where we live. It's a pavillion that has two picnic tables under it. A few feet from that, there's a lake. It's located in a weird place.

I put my phone away to focus on driving. I don't see how some people feel comfortable texting and driving. Anything anybody has to say can't be so important that I'd risk my life. It just takes one split second to have a fatal accident. Even though it's late, I'm sure there are still some fucked up driver's on the road right now. Not only do I have to drive for myself, I have to drive for others as well. I was taught that when I first started learning how to drive.

With my music turned down low, I drove to the place. My phone lit up a few times, so hopefully Mikayla texted me back.

Within twenty minutes, I was parked in front of the pavillion. I checked my phone before getting out.

Janine:

JAHMIR! PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE STILL UP!

That's strange. I wonder why she put it in all caps like that. I hardly even remember giving her my number, but I guess I did.