Don't Break Me

Chapter 15

Justin POV:

I exited the bathroom after making myself look as though I wasn't just choked almost to death. My face had returned to a normal colour but my neck was red and showed the imprints of Jason's hands. I walked straight to my wardrobe with my head down. I paid no attention to Jason was lying down on my bed. I immediately closed the door behind me and took off my long sleeve shirt. I looked down at my arms and saw the large amount of wounds, some old and healed, some fresh and still open, from self-harming. A tear slipped down my cheek as I looked for something to wear to cover the scars. I grabbed a baggie grey hoodie and put it on, checking to make sure all my wounds were covered. Nobody knows that I self-harm and that is the way I want it to stay. I exited the wardrobe and lifted my head up to see Jason sitting on the end of my bed staring straight at me. He had a sour look on his face as he looked me up and down.

"Why do you always wear jumpers, do you not own a shirt?" He asked in a sarcastic tone. My head dropped back down as I looked to my feet. I knew I had to reply to him otherwise he would probably beat me down again.

"I-I d-don't k-know," I said shrugging my shoulders, still avoiding his gaze, "I-I j-just get c-cold a-a lot."

Jason raised an eyebrow before standing to his feet. "Whatever fag," he mumbled. "Lead the way," he said gesturing me to walk out of the room. "Oh and if you say one word to your Mum, I will take pleasure in beating you into a fucking pulp, got it?" He spat as we both walked out of my room. I nodded my head quickly and made way to the kitchen. As soon as I walked into the kitchen I smelt the disgusting aroma of food. My mum was making grilled cheese for lunch and I tried my best not to physically react to the sight of it. I don't know how I am going to get out of this, especially with Jason here. I don't want him to know I am too fat to eat, though he probably already knows.

"Hey boys, hope you two are hungry. There is plenty to have," my mum said smiling placing down a big plate with multiple sandwiches on it. She looked at me, probably knowing there was an excuse to not eat coming, but I grabbed one half of a sandwich in my hands. I brought it to my mouth, trying my best to block out my sense to smell. I opened my mouth and took a little bite of the food. My stomach immediately flipped and my mouth rejected the food. I placed the grilled cheese back onto the plate and held my left hand over my mouth, forcing myself to swallow the food. I felt it slide down my throat and fought as hard as I could to keep it down.

"Everything okay baby?" I heard my mum ask. Of course she is watching me eat.

"Y-yes m-mum, j-just h-hot," I lied trying to put my best fake smile on. I looked over to Jason who was already finishing off his first sandwich, grabbing another.

"Oh my god, this is amazing. Thank you so much." He said between bites, smiling wide at my mum. I looked to my mum to see her grow a wide grin. "Thank you Jason, eat as much as you can sweetie." She looked back to me and raised an eyebrow. I grabbed the same sandwich and took another small bite. My stomach was already full. My head was telling to put down the food. I know I am too fat to eat this. I get told every day at school. I swallowed on more bite painfully, before asking my mum for a glass of water. As soon as she gave me some, I gulped it down, feeling overly full. I looked back to Jason, who was on his third grilled cheese now. He stopped when we made eye contact. He looked down at my quarter of a half sandwich and then back up to me. Confusion was written on his face as he looked back up to my eyes. "Are you okay Justin man? You really should eat up, this is delicious food," he said sending me an obvious fake smile. I excused myself from the table and went up to my room. I closed and locked the door behind me and then went into the bathroom, again closing and locking the door behind me. I fell to my knees and leant over the toilet bowl, placing two fingers down my throat and bringing back up the fatness I just consumed.

My eyes began to water as I flushed and brought myself up to my feet. I looked into the mirror and was disgusted with myself. I really am fat. I held the skin on my stomach and felt annoyed at myself for letting myself get this way. The urge to punish myself for this flushed over me. Without any hesitation I grabbed my razor and began to roll up the sleeve of my jumper. I placed the razor on my forearm and felt relaxed to feel the sharp, thin metal against my skin. I slide it across with pressure and relief filled my body as I saw blood ooze out of the wound. This is what I deserve. I let myself become fat so I should pay for it. I cut once more... twice more... I was so out of reality and in my own little world. A smile, a real, genuine smile, started to grow on my face. My eyes were opened wide and I was letting out little giggles to myself. I must have looked absolutely crazy from anyone else's perspective. I was about to do a fifth cut when I my thoughts were interrupted and I was brought straight to reality by a loud knocking. My heart began to pound hard and my stomach dropped. I was frozen in time.

"Justin?"

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