Don't Break Me

Chapter 40

Jason's POV:

I sat at the end of my bed just watching over Justin as he slept a deep sleep after what he did before. I still felt tears welling up in my eyes and every time that I looked Justin's way, I would just feel pain shoot through my body. I hated that he did this to himself again. I was hoping that he was starting to be better but obviously I was wrong. I thought about what may have triggered him to do it again and all I kept thinking was when we went to school. My jaw clenched and every muscle in my body tensed when I thought about how hateful the people are, and yes, I know I used to be like that.

I sighed and scratched the back of my neck in frustration. I won't lie, I was mad. Not at Justin but rather at myself. I should have known to hide away the scissors and anything sharp. I'm mad that while I was asleep less than a few metres away, Justin was hurting himself. It really shot home the fact that he doesn't trust me enough to come to me when he is hurting. I understand that it must be hard for him to just forgive me suddenly but I really want him to be able to feel comfortable to come and talk to me.

I felt my body start to react to the frustration that had been building up inside of me. I decided that I should probably go out for a walk to go get some fresh air and try to calm myself down a little before Justin wakes up. I chucked on some clothes so that I looked half-dressed before pacing out of my house and onto the streets. The urge of nicotine came knocking at my brain and that is exactly what I thought I needed, so I reached into my pocket and pulled out my packet of cigarettes. Pulling one out of the packet and placing it between my lips, I struck my zippo as the flame lit the end of my smoke.

The night sky had taken over the city and all that lit up the streets as I walked through them was the dull orange light from the street lights. I took a long a draw of my cigarette and held the smoke in to allow my lungs to take in the chemicals. I slowly exhaled the smoke as I pointed my head up towards the sky, watching as the smoke drifted away in the night sky. I had no clue where I was walking to or for long, but all I knew it that my head was so flustered with everything that happened that I couldn't think straight right now.

I was about twenty minutes or so into my walk, feeling totally distracted from reality as I kept running through all my thoughts, trying to make sense of my life. Taking out one more cigarette and lighting it, my thoughts let me know exactly what I needed to do right now, and that was to go back home to Justin and prove to him I am with him now. I turned around to start walking back in the other direction but was taken aback to see three darks figures standing behind me causing me to take a step back from them unsure of who they were or what they wanted.

"Jason, Jason, Jason," I heard a clear voice say jokingly between shaking his head. I tried my best to focus my eyes onto these figures but struggled to make out anything in particular.

"W-What," I choked on my tongue feeling uneasy at what was transpiring.

"What ever happened to you?" Another one of them questioned as they took two steps closer to me. I swallowed hard and knew that I was in trouble. I glanced around looking to see if it would be possible for me to side step them all and make a run for it.

But.

Then I remembered who I was and what I do. I am Jason fucking McCann and I am not afraid of anyone and anything. I felt my blood starting to calm itself down and my body overall becoming calm. I knew what was happening, and lately I have been doing everything I can to stop it because of Justin, but right now I let the other side of me take over. I felt my eyes changing to become their black colour and I let myself give into it. I let out a chuckle as I took a step closer to the three figures watching as their whole body language changed.