drown in your hands ; haikyuu x reader

Love - Akaashi Keiji

You were the one who confessed and asked him out. You were the one who asked if the two of you could become official. You were mostly the one who would ask him to go on dates. You weren't​ the only one who wanted this relationship to work though, but it seemed like you were the only one who was making the effort.

Akaashi Keiji was a good boyfriend. He was supportive, understanding, and kind. He did all the normal stuff boyfriends would do. He took good care of you, walked you home, took you on dates, made you laugh, cry, but mostly... happy. Though it felt like he was just doing all these stuff out of obligation. Yet you just couldn't help but fall in love with him more and more everyday.

You were so deeply in love with the green eyed who worked part time at your favourite bookshop. You were in love with the boy who talked enthusiastically about what books you should buy next because he himself loved reading, the boy who would nod at you whenever your eyes would meet while walking at the hallways of your school, the boy you eventually became friends with, you were in love with the boy you thought was your soulmate.

You were in love with someone who couldn't love anyone romantically.

Two years of being together, he still couldn't kiss you on the lips or say those three special words yet. But you felt loved, you really did, platonically. It didn't took long for you to notice there was a big probability that Akaashi was aromantic, asexual. But it took long enough for him to notice this, much longer than you. And when he finally said it...

"I love you, Y/N. I do. But I don't think I'll ever fall in love with you... or anyone."

"I know." You said to the ravenette across the table at your apartment, with the most sincere yet saddest smile. His frown deepened. Being with you for two years, of course he knows you very well, and he knows that there was pain behind that beautiful smile of yours. "So what now?" You asked, chuckling a little to lighten up the atmosphere. "Do you want to... end our relationship?"

"No." Akaashi answered directly with his usual stoic expression. "I mean not completely. I still wanna be this close to you. I still want us to be friends." You could hear the desperation in his voice and it broke you a little.

"We could try." You said, making him nod. "But Keiji?"

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you a favor?"

"Anything."

You bit your lip, swallowing and taking a deep breath before speaking again. "Can we cuddle and sleep together before we erase our girlfriend, boyfriend label?"

Akaashi's lips parted as he was about to say something when your face suddenly turned red and you cut him off. "L-Literally just sleep. That's it. We've never done that before– I mean we've cuddled but not for long or in bed." You tried calming yourself down by taking a deep breath once again. "I guess I just want to experience all those couple–ish stuff before we break up y'know? But it's okay if you don't want to."

"Y/N. I like your hugs anyway so it's okay." Akaashi said with a small smile that made your heartbeat race like crazy. Oh how you wish you could make him feel this way too.

——

"Tell me, what does falling in love feels like?" The setter asked, hugging your frame tighter as he rested his chin on your head.

You then found yourself smiling as your hand drew small circles on his back. "Well, some people fall in love  easily, some people fall in love slowly, some just doesn't. But for me falling in love feels... incredible. Just thinking about myself and the person I love growing up together, experience a lot of stuff, getting married, having a family, growing old together. These thoughts are enough to put a smile on my face, even when I'm not in a very good mood. Well, even on mondays I'd never get grumpy because I know that I'll see the person I'm falling in love with. And knowing more stuff about that person is just lovely. Because you'll fall in love even more for how beautiful they are." You chuckled at the thought for you were actually explaining what if felt like falling in love with the boy in your arms.

"That's..." Akaashi started, finding the right words to explain how he felt about something that he wouldn't probably ever feel. "That sounds amazing."

"It is."

"And you felt those things with me?"

"I did. And I still do." Tears started falling from your eyes as he felt you tremble in his arms.

Akaashi had to blink his own tears away, feeling guilt and broken for he couldn't give back. He couldn't give you the love you deserve. He loved you and you knew, you appreciated it. But he knew you deserve more than platonic love, you deserve the world. It hurt him how he was hurting you, it hurt him that he was hurting the person he cared about the most.

"Thank you, Y/N. And I'm sorry." He said as the formed tears in his eyes finally fell.

———
this one shot was inspired by a friend's own experience with being aro ace.

what a creative title wow lol anyways, sorry this took long even though it's pretty short. i'm probably going to make a part two for this because y'all know how much a sucker i am for happy endings. you don't have to read it if you like how this one ended though :)