Who you used to be - [p.jm]

17. "Leave Jimin behind?"

You lay in the bed of your room in the new dorm for a while. As tired as you were, you still couldn't fall asleep.
Witnessing the other members find out about Jungkook still made your heart feel heavy.

As soon as Jin and Taehyung had taken Jungkook's body to the infirmary, Yoongi and Hoseok had stormed in.

Taehyung just couldn't repeat the whole story again, so you tried explaining what had happened yourself.
The news about Jugkook had shaken them so much, that they didn't even ask about yourself and what had happened with Jimin.

However, you also guessed that after hearing the story, the others weren't even interested to hear about Jimin anymore. They probably didn't want him back and hated him from the bottom of their hearts now.

It made you even more depressed knowing that things were going to seriously change from now on.

The person who you felt most sorry for was Taehyung.
It was only natural that he blamed himself for everything and didn't even want to look anyone in the eyes.

You decided it would be best to leave him by himself for the beginning, but since you couldn't sleep anymore - and you guessed he couldn't either - you wanted to try and go over to his room.

Jin was in the infirmary, Namjoon was gone for some reason, Yoongi and Hoseok were still at the dining table and were talking silently.
You made your way to Taehyung's and Jungkook's room.

It must have been really hard being there next to the empty bed of his friend.

You knocked softly to not wake him up, just in case.
"Tae?", you whispered through the door.

The door was opened abruptly and you were pulled inside, not even wasting a second. Then it was closed immediately.
Your eyes needed time to adjust to the pitch blackness of the room, but you heard someone move to your right.

"Tae are you okay?", you asked into the emptiness.
Soon, you could fixate a silhouette sitting on one of the two beds in the room.

"What do you think Y/N?", he asked sarcastically.
His voice was hoarse and raspy, probably from all the yelling and crying he had been through.

You went over to sit next to him.
"Can you at least open the window in here?", you asked.

He didn't give an answer. You hadn't really thought about how to talk to him. It was all a huge throwback to when the situation had been reversed.
He had been there for you when Jimin had died, so you needed to be there for him now.

"Tae...don't blame yourself for this. Please", you whispered.

He moved uncomfrotably.
"Not blame myself? I'm the one who brought him with me so I'm the one responsible. I should have said no to him when he asked."

The way this was going, you were never going to make it any better.

"I just couldn't believe what was happening. He jumped in and pushed me away... Why would he do that?"
He was fighting against tears.

Taehyung didn't want to let out his emotions again, but didn't really mind if it was you.

"Because that's just the way our Kookie is", you smiled weakly even though he couldn't see it.
You refrained yourself from using was to not rub it in even more that he was gone.
"He's always willing to do everything he can to help."

Taehyung seemed to have remembered something and gave out a little cough which was supposed to be a laugh.
"I remember when we first recruited him. He was so desperate to join, it was almost funny that he was excited about joining assassins."