fix you || A.I.

chapter five

——— Ashton's POV ———

I couldn't get the words out of my head. The words she wrote on that same small piece of paper.

'You remind me of someone I used to know.'

I didn't like the fact that she said 'used'  it made me want more of the story. Did they end up doing it? Or are they simply no longer friends?

But she's smart, if I ask her to explain more, she wil expect the same from me or even more. Maybe she'll force me to eat again and watch me every bite.

But what I hated the most about last night is that someone I barely know got to see me at my worst. She got to see me breaking down. She saw me without any of the walls that I used to put around me. And I can't let someone in.

I can't do this.

"Why are you so harsh on her? You never say a word to us but you keep cussing and being rude to her." Luke asked when he sat beside me in the dressing room. We have another hour before sound check and luckily I can still play.

I just shrugged at him, hoping he would accept that as an answer. But then again he's Luke. He always keeps asking. "There is a reason. I can see it at you. When she walks into the room you just tense up and start being rude."

"She thinks she knows it all while she probably has a perfect life and doesn't even have a slight idea of how the real world works. She looks like the happiest and most spoiled girl I've ever met." I said rudely to Luke before getting up and walking out of the room.

He followed me though, he followed me every step untill we got outside. "Get to know her before you say something like that. I invited her for multiple reasons. She probably has a more fucked up life then you do. So don't ever speak about her like that again." He said, really trying to warn me before he went back inside, slamming the door shut behind him.

'You remind me of someone I used to know'  was the person she used to know herself?

-------

"Has any of you seen Alex?" Luke asked worried when he ran into the dressing room "She isn't in the bus and I can't reach her."

"I saw her talking to Samuel before I got here. She's probably lost somewhere backstage, she'll find her way back." Calum said calmly.

"She's not backstage, she's in the crowd." I softly said before looking up at Luke.

"Are you freaking serious?" Luke asked and I nodded "Why?"

"She asked me yesterday if she could just be in the crowd to watch us. So I arranged her standing places." I just shrugged before disappearing to the bathroom with my clothes. We used to just all change in the dressing room and run around in our underwear but I couldn't stand the stares anymore.

"You're crazy Irwin." He shouted behind me.

-----

I don't think I have ever been as distracted and tired after a show then I was tonight. She was singing and dancing along so free and careless that Luke's words from before didn't exactly sink in. 'She probably has a more fucked up life then you do'  his words kept going on and on in my head. How can someone that looks that happy and untouched have a more fucked up life then I do.

"So where are we going next?" Alexis asked waking me up from my thoughts.

"The Netherlands, I think. Not sure though, we just see where we end up." Luke replied while looking at her with a smile. Everyone was spread across the couches, I ofcourse decided to go for the table so I didn't have to sit between everyone.

"I've been wondering this for a while but, why exactly did we get you on tour with us?" Calum asked while he looked at Alexis. I think this is the question everyone wanted to ask but nobody had the guts to do it.

"Luke asked me, we've known eachother since we were kids but kinda lost contact when you guys became huge."

"Yea we know that but why catch up now? You could've done that after tour aswell." Calum asked. Everyone was looking between the both of them.

"I needed a friend, I was having some issues with family and work at home and Luke decide to invite me so I could forget about everything for a while and just enjoy life." She said, she was so carefull with the words she used, too scared to say something too much.

"We'll make sure that you will enjoy your time here" Michael said with a smile.

She was hiding so much but still they all believed it. If I wasn't this numb right now, I don't think I would've accepted that answer.

I was done with this whole conversation so got up and went to bed.

"Goodnight Ashton" Alexis said when I closed the curtains. The guys all just stayed quiet. I laid on my back and took a deep breath when I saw a note pasted right above my head, above the stripes I put.

'Talk. I don't care how but speak up. Or write. You don't have to share it with anyone, but you need to share it with yourself. You need to be honest with yourself, even about the things that you don't like.'

I sighed before taking an empty paper and a pen.

'Stop trying, I'm a lost cause.'

I had heard everyone getting into their beds already so I reached out and put my hand between the closed curtains to drop the note.

It ended up not being my smartest plan as she screamed when my hand went between the curtains. Oops.

"Everything alright Alex?" I heard Luke say from above me.

"Yea, I thought I saw a spider. False alarm." She said laughing a little.

"Idiot" Luke said laughing before everything went quiet again. Untill ofcourse, my phone buzzed.  "And another idiot."

TEXTS

Unknown number: nobody is a lost cause.

A few seconds after I recieved a screenshot from an article. It wasn't from a big newspaper, more a local one but the pictures kinda shocked me.

'Teenage girl found on the verge of dead. Covered in several cuts and close to being starved to death'

I didn't look at the rest of the article as I recieved another picture. This time it was a body picture, she was wearing only her underwear in both pictures but it wasn't a nice view.

Starved like the article said, wrists and tights covered in red stripes, burn marks on her chest and a few on her stomach. And then on the right side it looked to be a more recent picture, you could still see a few of the deeper marks but she looked healthy.

Unknown number: I was a lost cause too.

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A/N: I love the fact that I'm 19 because almost all people I like are close to my age. Like Ashton is only 4 years older, Jacob Whitesided is 10 months older and Shawn Mendes is only 6 days younger (we were almost born on the same day haha) so that makes them all totally dateable.
Only problem is that it's never going to happen.

On the other hand, our world is so fucked up. I'm from Belgium so our country has had to deal with a lot of terrorism so far, a few things happened really close to where I live. And it's so fucked up.
What happened in Spain was just another proof of how messed up the world is getting. A 17 year old guy driving a minivan into a crowd to kill as many as possible, how is that still humane? How is it possible that a 17 year old already gets so brainwashed to do things like this, to kill so many innoncent people who were enjoying their holiday?
I'm 19 and I still feel bad when I ride over an already dead animal on the road. I will avoid them even though they are already bad.

We're in a war that nobody is going to win.