fix you || A.I.

chapter six

——— Ashton's POV ———

"I thought the weather in the UK was bad but this is even worse." Alexis said with a sigh when she got out of the bus. I couldn't look at her anymore, the girl I hated for being so untouched turns out to be even worse then I thought.

She does things to my mind that I can't understand. For the first time in weeks I feel interested in something. I want to know why she did it, I want to find out how she got better.

But she's too good in mind games. I ask her one thing and she will ask me a million questions.

I don't know how she does it though, I feel less numb around her. She lets me yell at her without yelling back. I feel like she understands why I yell, why I don't talk and why I don't eat. Even though she has no clue what's going on in my life, it feels like she knows everything without having to say a word. That's one of the reasons I hate therapists. They suck. They tell me every time that they understand, they won't judge, but if you haven't gone to hell and back, you have no clue what it is like. You can study all you want, if you haven't experienced this numbness, this feeling, you have no clue what you're talking about.

I was looking at her from the bus window, making it impossible for her to see me. She was looking around with the biggest smile and she looked so happy, so peacefull. I had to find out more about her, but I couldn't ask her.

I unlocked my phone and went to twitter first and wrote down her name, but not one profile with a picture that looked like her showed up. I went through all social media to find her without any results.

So google, you're up next. I typed her name in the search bar making sure I wouldn't make any mistake and pressed enter. Apparently she has a really common name. I couldn't find anything untill I ended up at a photographer's website with the same surname.

I clicked through untill I found the pictures of her, she could get an actual modeling contract if she wanted. There were all kinds of pictures of her in her portfolio, but every single one covered up the areas where she still had old marks or they were edited. I was looking at one of her pictures when I heard a cough from behind me. I pressed the home button as quick as possible before turning around.

"She's hot, isn't she?" Luke said with a grin. If that would have been Alexis, I think I could start preparing my funeral.

"Fuck you Luke." I groaned before turning around again and looking outside. Calum and Michael had gone outside aswell now and started a round of football.

"I think you'd rather fuck her then me." He said earning a glare from me. "Look, do whatever you want, feel as bad as you want but don't fuck with her feelings. Stop freaking yelling at her every time she tries to do something. And she doesn't have social media, if that was what you were looking for. That's her dad's photography site, the only thing you will find about her. Want to hear her story? Ask her instead of googling her behind her back." He said with a smile before going outside aswell.

"Hemmings, you're on my team." Calum yelled while he was trying to take the ball away from Alexis. "You aren't even following any of the actual rules" He said laughing when she picked up the ball and just ran to the goal.

"I play my own game. I don't follow rules." She said with a smile when she kicked the ball in the goal.

"I got something for you" Luke said walking towards Alexis. He reached in his pocket and handed her a cigarette and a lighter. "Do whatever you want with it, but if you don't use it, give it back or throw it away."

"I don't need it, they're my go to when I'm frustrated. I'm happy now." She said with a smile as she looked at Luke. "But it's good to know you still have them."

I looked away and went back to the bunk beds. I took out the notebook my last therapist gave me before going back to the table. I took a pen and went to the first empty page.

What the hell do you write? I'm not going to keep a dairy.

I just started drawing the most random things  from skulls to ugly flowers and something that had to look like a dog. It looked like shit. But an hour later I had a full page covered in drawings and a few words here and there.

And in the middle of all the drawings I had the word 'dad'  written in small letters. Because after all he has a lot to do with this.

——— Alexis' POV ———

"Is Ashton still inside?" I asked Luke when he made another goal. I turn out to be horrible at soccer when I can't play by my own rules.

"Yea he is," he replied looking at the bus "why?"

"Because our team needs another member. I suck at this game." I said with a smile before walking to the bus. Ashton was sitting at the table, a closed notebook infront of him while he stared at nothing.

I went over and sat down at the opposite side of the table. "Do you want to play soccer with us? We're asking everyone to join and maybe you and I together don't suck as much as we do alone."

"No thanks" He said as he looked back at me. It was like he was trying to read my deepest secrets but that's the thing about me, you can't. Unless you're a wizard. I learned to hide things so well in the past that I still do it in the present. It's easier that way, it gets difficult when people want to know too much of your past. It's in the past with a reason and if I wanted the world to know, I'd walk around with a t-shirt with my full past written on it.

"Did you know that if you eat a little but excercise enough, you'll be more fit for concerts and everything but still don't gain a thing?" I said with a serious face "I know I can be annoying and that you hate me for talking to you but there are fans looking through the fences and I do think it would be better if you showed up. Put up that mask that you got when you're on stage, let the world know you're fine while you're not. It's better for them to think that you're fine."

He just gave me a glare before getting up and taking his sweater and beanie. "I'm going out but you won't bother me again today."

"Alright, see you again tomorrow cranky pants." I said with a laugh before getting out of the bus again, Ashton right behind me.

I walked over to Luke with a happy smile while Ashton joined the team. "How did you do that?"

"We made a deal. That's how we talk, he either yells at me or we make deals."

"Like the mirror thing." He said with a sigh.

"Don't ever say that you know what happened that night." I warned him before going to Ashton and Michael. Turns out we got Samuel on our team aswell and they got a guard aswell, who's name I still don't know. But it's awkward to ask now. We've had too many conversations to ask his name now.

-------------------------------------------------
A/N: HEEEEEEEY

I'm currently pretty busy with my exams untill 7 september, so expect a little less updates...

Thank you to Fallenforanangel for always voting and commenting. It always makes me happy when I see your name in my notifications 😄😄