fix you || A.I.

chapter nine

——— Ashton's POV ———
 
As I stood in the bathroom, I looked at my own body in the mirror. I started to look freaking scary. My arms were getting so thin and all the work I did before to get a fit body was now wasted. I placed both my hands on the sink and grabbed it tightly when I looked down. The spare key at one side and Luke's razor on the other. There was this unsaid rule of not leaving razors in the bathroom. Calum was in a hurry to go to the airport to pick up Crystal with Michael.

I removed the screws and took out the blade before putting the razors down again.

"Ashton, hurry up because I have to pee." I heard Alexis yell before I heard her footsteps go away again.

I have to feel something. I'm numb. And I'd rather feel the pain and blood then this horrible feeling. I looked in the mirror one last time before doing it.

I put the blade against my skin and did it. I couldn't feel like this anymore.

And to be honest, I'd rather end it then stay like this. But I can't. That's what sucks the most, I can't just end it because the pain that I feel, is nothing compared to what my family would feel when I left. It wouldn't only kill me, it would kill my family aswell. I'm not a good son, but I know she would rather have a bad son.

I could feel the blood rolling down my wrists and kept my eyes steady on my own reflection.

"Ashton, I'm going to pee in your bed if you don't hurry up now." Alexis said now even more impatient. "Atleast answer so I know I don't have to go look for the spare key. There are like 5 spare keys so I'm sure I can find atleast one."

"Just give me a second." I said back before cleaning everything up quickly. I wasn't even close to done yet but if she opens the door now, this won't end well. I put the blade and razor in my pocket before unlocking the door, making sure my sweater would cover up my wrists.

"Finally" She said when I unlocked the door. She took my wrist and pulled me outside making me almost scream out in pain before walking inside. I walked over to my bag and hid the razor as good as possible.

I went over to the table and sat down, pulling my knees up to my chest as I waited for her to come out. I had to go back inside as I forgot the spare key and all I could do was hope she didn't take it.

A minute later she sat down at the table aswell. She looked down at her hands before dropping the key and two small screws on the table. "Why?"

"Where did you find those screws?" I asked trying my best to sound confused.

"I would have never linked this to the missing razor of Calum." She said before putting her other hand on the table. "Unless you have something to say" She opened the hand that she had grabbed me with before. It was covered in blood from holding my wrist thightly. "you were pulling that part of your sweater more down then the other, it was luck."

She stood up again and went to the sink to wash her hands.

"Remember when you told me we had to talk? I already knew at that moment that we would never talk. You had enough free time then so there was no reason to postpone it except for being too afraid to do it. But now I'm asking to talk, right now. No excuses." She sat back down infront of me and looked me straight in the eyes.

"Can we please go back to me yelling at you."

"No we can't." She said, she sounded so sure of herself and it's been a few days since her breakdown, but she seems to be perfectly fine again. But now she started this conversation, she looks more vulnerable again. She took a deep breath before starting to talk again. "I found out my dad was driving under influence, killed the parents of two kids, 8 and 5 years old. They were in the car aswell but are the only ones who survived. Their parents both died on the scene and my dad on his way to the hospital. They saw their parents die. They were stuck in a broken car with their dead parents and they will have to grow up without them."

"I'm so sorry that he died" I said suddenly feeling guilty.

"He was an asshole. But he was my dad even though he tried to get me into signing papers so I wasn't his daughter anymore. He's a drunk asshole who got what he deserved. Those parents on the other hand, didn't deserve this at all and my dad is responsible for this." Her hands were holding the table so thightly that they were already turning white. "Now stop being the asshole that you are and talk. You don't have to tell the world, but just tell someone."

"I am sorry for your loss but just fuck off. I never asked for your help and I don't want it. I know you want to go out with the other boys so do it. Go out like anyone else instead of acting like my freaking mom." I said, it probably was more like yelling. If she keeps going like this, I'll tell her every single thing. I stood up and as I was about to walk past her she grabbed my arm, now high enough so she isn't pressing on any cuts.

"Sit down." She demanded while she looked at me with a glare. "And listen me out now. Because you're not going to like what I'm going to say. You will end up yelling at me but to be honest, I don't give a shit anymore. What the hell are you trying to prove by not eating? Are you trying to prove that you can be extremly skinny while we all know that in a week or two, you won't be able to get on stage anymore. You're already struggling with finishing a concert. Start freaking eating again. Get fit again and stop thinking you got it the worst of all." She took in a deep breath, her eyes steady on mine while she talked "be sad, be depressed do whatever the fuck you want but stay healthy. You almost passed out after the concert last night, I saw that. I'm not expecting you to be happy again tomorrow. All I'm asking is to try, try to eat again and try to smile now and then. Because you can get better. You aren't hopeless and you're not a lost cause. But stop destroying yourself. You still love to be on stage, that's not an act. So take care of yourself now or you won't be able to finish this tour." She said

--------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Go Alexis go.

What's your favourite part of the story so far?

And what do you hope that will happen in the future?

Or how do you think it should end?

I'm curious to see what you guys think!