Secret Desire

Chapter Twenty Two - "No You Don't."

 Chapter Twenty Two

"No You Don't."

Justin’s Point Of View-

               Losing the person that means the most to you is the most gut-wrenching, heart twisting feeling you could ever have that I wouldn’t wish on my first enemy. It’s like I could feel the emptiness of my heart just above my rib cage searching for something to fill it but that’s not possible when the thing that can fill it is out of your grasp.

            The past seven days I’ve been doing nothing but wish I could take it all back. I wanted to rewind time and re-do it all and just never go to the gang’s house in the first place. A part of me wishes that I could forget her. I wanted to forget the way she looked at me with so much affection it was like her soul was on fire. I wanted to forget the way her cheeks turned red every single time I touched her. I wanted to forget that night I took away her virginity and became attached. I had become attached and my biggest fear had come true. She left.

            I guess the thing that hurts the most about love is that you can’t predict it. You can’t predict when that person will lose interest in you or lose feelings towards you. Then it hits you out of nowhere, like a surprise punch to the gut, and your insides feel like they’re coming undone and your heart feels like it’s going to explode out of your chest and you cry, and you cry, and you cry, praying for the pain to go away but you continue to cry until you can’t cry anymore and then you end up exactly like I am right now. You end up sitting alone, in your room, re-thinking what happened and how you wish you could change it.

            “Bella, oh god no no no. Please come here.”

            I tried to move towards her but it was useless. The fear in her eyes was overpowering any other feeling she was possibly having right now. Over anger, over sadness, and over love. I could tell right then and there that what I had just done has ruined everything.

            “Don’t you dare come close to me.” Her eyes widened as she stared at the bloody body surrounding my feet before they moved up to my blood stained hands. I didn’t have an explanation right now. It was like I had to watch it all fall apart in slow motion and there was nothing I could do about it.

            “Can you please just let-“

            “No.” She responded. “I don’t want to hear anything from you.”
            “I didn’t have a choice.” I took another step towards her, but she eyed the knife warily and took another step back on the sand. If it weren’t for what I had just done I would make love to her right on this beach. I would push her down onto the sand and we would laugh and she would let out her cute little giggle as our bodies would mesh together and slowly but surely get covered by the water and the waves. I would show her how much I cared and how much she honestly meant to me, but it was too late.

            “You didn’t have a choice?” She almost spat at me in disbelief and by now the tears were pouring onto her cheeks. “Justin you had a choice. It was your hand that went into that body just now. You had the knife and you pushed it into him. Nobody else made you do that.”

            “Justin you need to get out of there!” I heard Roger’s seething voice drown into my ear through the earphone but I didn’t want to go. If I left, I would lose her forever. I would regret it for the rest of my life.