HG High: An Everlark story!

Chapter 46: I don't want to

Chapter 46

Katniss P.O.V.

I feel really depressed. Ever since I got out of the hospital I've felt really depressed.

Today it's our graduation, and tomorrow, it's the funeral of mine and Peeta's baby Aimée. A funeral. God! What's happening with our lives? First a wedding, then a graduation and then a funeral then summer and then college. Seriously, can we ever catch a break? I mean yeah, maybe we can rest during the summer. But we will be thinking about what happened during the year, with Peeta being shot, the bakery burning down, me going crazy because of medicine after Gale gave me a concussion, Finnick sending a video of me loopy to AFV, me making Finnick's penis to a sprinkle a chocolate bar, Cato and Clove's wedding, then me being raped Peeta and I losing a child, graduation and a funeral and then on top of that college. So yeah, I really don't think that we will be having very much time to rest. But I'm gonna try to rest anyways.

So yes, I feel depressed.

But I don't have time to be depressed. I have a graduation to go to now. And I'm gonna sing there as well. It's between, Peeta and I, and Finnick and Annie.

I really don't want to go, but I have to.

And they changes a thing in the competition. Not something that changes something big. But we are not going to find out who the judges are. They thought that it would be best that the judge stays as a mystery. Pretty ridiculous if you asks me, but I really don't have the energy to care.

Right now I stand in front of the mirror, looking at myself.

I have a black glittery dress that reaches to my knees. I have black stiletto heels. I have a glittery Mockingjay clap in my now straight down and loose hair and not too much makeup. But I guess it looks acceptable.

"You look beautiful sweetheart", I hear a voice behind me.

I turn and see Haymitch in the doorway.

"Oh. Thanks I guess", I mumble.

I don't really talk much now. Ever since I stopped crying in the hospital, I don't talk unless I really have to.

Haymitch walks into my room.

"No you really do look beautiful Katniss", Haymitch says.

Even though he was upset about the fact that Peeta and I are having sex, he got upset that Aimée is dead. Prim is devastated. She loves kids, and she really would love Aimée, she already do, even if Aimée is dead, we all do, Peeta and I. Mom and Haymitch. Prim. All of our friends. Glimmer is also a bit depressed over the baby's faith. It would've been hard to have a baby at this age. But I would've done everything to try to make it work. I would've done everything I could, and so would Peeta, he told me so when he broke down yesterday. He tried to stay strong for as long as he could. But no one can stay strong forever. And then finally he just cracked. Mom and Haymitch would've helped as well, they told me. So yeah, everyone are upset about the baby being dead. So tomorrow is not gonna be fun at all.

"No I'm not, and I don't want to, I don't want to go to this stupid graduation either!" I say.

"Katniss, you're graduating from high school, that's pretty big, of course you want to go", Haymitch says. "Even of it doesn't feel like you want to".

"No I really don't want to, but I have to", I correct him.

Haymitch sits down on the edge if the bed. He's also dressed up for the graduation. Mom and Prim are also getting ready right this moment.

"I would rather stay in bed and eat ice cream", I continue. "I'm so sick if this crap! Why is everything happening to me and Peeta?"

"I don't know Katniss, I really don't, but you two have the power to make it all good again, no one else can do that for you", Haymitch says.

I sit down beside him.

"I can't take it anymore, I want to have a normal life, but I can't, because soon I'm an adult and everything starts up again", I say. "And I'm always afraid. I'm afraid that Peeta will get shot again, I'm afraid that Gale'll come after me again, I'm afraid of losing another baby if I get pregnant in the future, I'm too afraid of everything to live my life".

"It's okay for you to be afraid, everyone are afraid, but not everyone is showing it, you'll just have to learn to live with it", Haymitch says. "Katniss it's going to be fine, you're going to be fine and so is Peeta, and you'll always have your mother and me".

"Yeah of you two don't die as well", I say. "I mean I've just started to actually see you and accept you as a dad, what if you die as well, or what if mom dies?"

Haymitch looks at me.

"You never told me this before", he says.

"Well as you know I'm not always clear about my feelings but that's not the point, the point is that I don't want to have you or mom taken away".

Haymitch hugs me. I hug him back. I actually do see him as a father. It's weird, but I do.

"We won't, okay? We won't", Haymitch says.

"Hey we're ready to go", Prim comes into the room.

She's wearing a beautiful yellow fluttery summer dress with her hair down and not in two braids for once and a yellow ribbon in her hair.

"Oh, okay", I say, although I'm not ready, because as I said to Haymitch, I really don't want to go. "I'm ready too, are you ready Haymitch?"

"As ready as I'll ever be", he says and stands up.

He leaves the room.

Prim sits down beside me.

"I'm really sorry Katniss", she says.

"No Primmy don't be", I say. "Be happy, it's summer after all".

"But you're not happy, so neither am I", she says and take my hand.

"I love you so much little duck", I say.

"I love you too Katniss", Prim says. "I know that I don't say this very often, but you're really the best sister anyone can ask for, and I never really thanked you for taking care of me when mom was depressed, so thank you Katniss, for taking care of me and actually making me the person I am today".

Okay this really brings tears to my eyes.

"You don't have to thank me, I would do anything for you Prim", I say. "Anything".

"I know, and I love you so much for that", she says.

I hug her. I love this little girl so much. Or she's not so little anymore. She's fourteen. She's starting high school after the summer. High school!

We stand up and walk down to mom and Haymitch.

I really don't want to go, but now I don't have a choice.

We walk out to the car and start to drive towards the school.

Well wish me good luck, because I'm gonna need it to survive this day.

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