5 Seconds Of Summer (5SOS) Imagines & One Shots

Too Much To Let Go (Calum Hood)

Edited: 11/01/19

Calum's POV:

Y/N has lost her iPod. So here we are, scouring every corner of her insanely messy bedroom for it. Honestly, it's probably in a pocket but she insists she's checked all of them so we're doing a very serious search of her room. I lift her mattress and notice a leather bound journal. 

"What's this?" 

She turns, her soft, chestnut hair flicking behind her. Her eyes widen and she snatches the book.

"Nothing."

I watch her as she holds the journal to her body but I shrug and try to brush it off. Whatever. It's probably secrets about her first kiss in grade 8 or something.

*2 days later*

I open the door of our apartment and dump my bag on the floor.

"Y/N?" 

Usually she's in the living room or kitchen. I walk into my room, then into hers. She isn't there. Strange. As I leave her room, I notice the journal open on her bed, the pages covered in her neat handwriting. I know I shouldn't but I quickly sneak a glance. The entry is for yesterday.

"Dear Diary,

I can't do it anymore. Its becoming even harder, I think Calum has begun to notice how withdrawn I've become but I can't hurt him. The further away I am from him, the better. I'm still haven't told him. It'll break us and I can't take it. It's selfish, I know. But I want to hold onto what we have for just a little longer. Just before the chemo starts.

Y/N"

I stare at the pages of the book until they become blurry. Chemo? Why didn't she tell me? 

I hear the door open and Y/N is standing by the door. Her eyes flick from the journal to my face, realisation spreads across her perfect features.

"Cal," she begins but I gape at her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" The tears begin to fall from her eyes but I'm the one who is feeling betrayed. She lied to me. 

"I-" she is sobbing now, all I want to do is gather her up in my arms and rock her. But I can't, it takes all my effort not to.

"Cal, I couldn't, you love me so much and it would have ruined everything." I run my hand through my hair.

"It kind of has now hasn't it? Babe, I wouldn't love you any less."

"I know, that's the problem, Cal. You love me too much to let me go." I stare at her, its true though. I want to try to deny it but I can't. She's right, I can't ever let her go. 

"Well, is it definitely cancer, like are they sure?" 

She nods and slides down on the floor, her back against the wall, tears leaking from her eyes.

"We better make every minute count then." 

I walk over to her and offer her my hand. She takes it and gets up. I pull her to a deep kiss, my mouth finding its peace and calm with hers.