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PHOBIA

"Gregory wants a baby, Niki, a baby."

"So?"

Xenia shook her head, "so no, Niki, ㅡso no, I can't not this, I promised myself to never walk in those flames again."

"God, Xenia, you'd think it's purgatory," Niki said as she slurped on her Frappuccino.

"Then, go ahead and have one, come and see me then. You others think it's as easy as ordering a Big Mac. A few seconds and bam, the Big Mac stays on your stomach for nine months. Nine months, where you just can't burp it out or fart it away. During that time, your man could be making a Royal cheese with someone else," Xenia replied, exasperated.

Niki laughed and sighed, "I would have one if I found a good match. Right now, it feels good to be free."

Xenia frowned; the sad tone at the end of Niki's sentence made her think her friend was not as happy as she said, "don't you miss, Malik?"

"I do, but he doesn't miss me. Malik has already moved to the next woman. A smile sketched on Niki's face as she attempted to look like the optimist person she went by, "but we are not here to talk about my love life. We are here to understand why you refuse to live, to marry, or have a child with Gregory, aka THE MAN everyone wants but can't have."

"Niki, I'm scared it was horrible being pregnant, the mode swings, the comments, Mark, the nine months, the delivery, the nights, the diapers, and the baby blues. I always thought I would love it. I was so thrilled when I found out I was pregnant. That lasted two hours. Once Mark knew my dream pregnancy became a nightmare. It's the worst nine months of my whole existence. I can't go through it again; I just won't do it. I love Gregory, but I can't carry another child."

"Why didn't you tell him?"

"You don't understand me. Do you believe Gregory will be attentive? All he sees is a woman who doesn't want to give him a child."

Niki wanted to suggest something, but she did not know how to tackle the subject. During all their years of friendship, Niki felt Xenia needed more than her listening ear. She tried to be supportive, but Niki knew that perhaps Xenia needed help from a specialist.

There were many issues the woman could not face. Ann-Catherin did what she thought was right, but she contributed to her daughter's insecurities. Xenia felt cornered and forced on more than one occasion. Trying to live up to her mother's expectations while not feeling comfortable being a dark skin woman of color was a trial. Xenia's loud mouth lost its strength when she met life choices. Her friend knew there were episodes of Xenia's coming of age, which were traumas. She witnessed how her friend attempted to shine in her mother's, Mark's, and all her entourage eyes and never harvesting one word of encouragement. Here Niki knew there was the fear of having a child but also the absolute fright of doing something that might push Gregory to leave her. Xenia still attempted to accept the fact she was worthy of the man.

Once more, Niki backed down. She almost lost her friend because of her books; she didn't want another feud to break out.

Niki laughed nervously, "but Xenia, still, you just don't get up and leave without giving notice."

"I did."

Niki blinked twice, "what did you do, send a message?"

Xenia lowered her head.

"How many times have I got to tell you, adults don't say important things on messages. Even teens don't do that anymore, Jesus, Xenia, come on."

Yep, this was Xenia at her worst, doing precisely the kind of stuff that would have the common man packing.

"I'm sorry, I panicked. Gregory was so mad. You should have seen him. I couldn't face him, he was in that just open your mouth once, and I'll blast you into oblivion with my indictment type of mood. I mean, daddy wants his baby bad. He was red like Hell Boy."

Niki didn't know whether to laugh or cry, "but Xenia, the man must be so pissed off; I mean, his girlfriend ran off like a thief."

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Niki was right. Gregory was pissed, but after a week, his inner reflection mechanism began to do its duty. Yep, with Gregory, it was always brains over matter in the end.

Was his question so farfetched?

What was scary about having a child with him?

Xenia would have all the help she needed. Xenia wouldn't need to wake up at night; he would.

Concerning his presence, he didn't pay people to have them rely on him like a life jacket; taking leave wasn't a problem. Going to the office was about setting an example. His grandfather taught Gregory a ship does set sail without its captain, but if they had a child, the man would make an exception.

Gregory wouldn't be like his father.

The man hoped for Xenia to recall his qualities. He could not believe the little faith she placed in him. His pride suffered, as Xenia's reaction made the billionaire feel like a doormat.

Something else bothered Gregory as he replayed the argument in his head. There was something he missed. Xenia was tense; she crossed and uncrossed her arms, shivered as though she was terrorized by something. Xenia was impulsive. Having her blurt out things she didn't think when she felt threatened was a habit many had, but when the woman said she didn't want another child, Xenia meant it. The answer came from the heart. Her reaction pushed Gregory to search for answers.

The thoughts roamed in Gregory's head as he rang the doorbell of this apartment on the 12th floor in the outskirts of Paris.

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