Disguised as a Nerd | BTS fanfiction COMPLETE

Chapter 34: Goodbye

Chaerin's POV

Why is it that a person that is so young like him has to die so early?

He did not even get a chance to pursue all of his dreams.

Why is it that someone already so special to me has to die early? Has to leave early?

"Goodbye...Thank you for all the memories..." I whispered painfully as I threw my white rose into the hole and watch it land on the middle of the coffin.

The coffin is continued on being lowered.

The coffin that held his dead body.

The thought made tears well up again in my eyes. I just can't believe that he is already gone.

Isn't it too early? If only I can bring him back to life, I would. Even just for a short time... I just want to talk to him... Tell him how thankful I am to have him, how thankful I am for all the memories he gave me, how thankful I am to have him as a friend.

Just even one minute... I just want to say goodbye... I never had the chance to say goodbye to him.

And just by thinking of it made my heart ache.

One by one, people started to leave.

"Chaerin, let's go," I heard Chaesoo tell me but I shook my head stubbornly.

"You go ahead, unnie... I will stay here for a while," I answered, looking at the patch of dirt and on his carved name on the marble.

I just stood there, in front of his grave. I went blank. I can't feel anything nor think of anything.  

"Chaerin?" I looked up and saw Mrs. Park look at me. "Your parents and sister already left. Aren't you going home yet?" she asked.

"I will. I would just stay here for a bit. I just want to talk to him a bit more," I answered. I know that it sounded a bit stupid but I really just want to say goodbye to him. Even just this way.

Mr. Park sighed and replied, "Okay, if you say so. But you have to go soon because the sky is getting dark," he told me.

"I will," I forced a small smile and they smiled back.

I just wonder how they feel. Probably worse than how I do. It would be hard to loose a son or any part of a family.

"Thank you for coming, Chaerin," Mrs. Park said.

"It's no problem. Condolence again, Mr. and Mrs. Park," I replied with a small bow and the couple left the place.

I turned back to the grave and slowly kneeled. I traced my fingers onto his name.

"I miss you," I whispered hoarsely and I felt tears started to fall again. There was a tightening feeling on my chest and a painful lump down my throat. "I wished I never fainted and I was able to say goodbye, or maybe even prevent you from dying, " I cried out silently and wiped the tears that endlessly fell from my eyes.

"I am happy for you oppa...you can finally have your own peace... But do you really have to leave us so early? Is your time on Earth really supposed to end right now? You still have so much to do, so much to experience, so much to feel and see... You still need to pursue your dreams... Why would this have to happen, oppa?"

"I already experienced, felt and saw enough... Because I was with you. And I already have done what I need to do... To protect and save you."

It was like I could already hear him saying this.

"Thank you... Thank you for saving me... Thank you for everything... All the memories and all the laughs... All the comforts... Thank you so much..." I cried out, burying my face in my hands and bawled