Meathead Monologue

revolutionary

here is the run down:
i have figured it out,
i know why people around me run away.
i know why people get hurt because of me.
because they take a glance at someone i am not
and they cannot look away.
i am the problem.
and please i am sick of you people telling me
i am not the problem
i am sick to my stomach
i hurl over the bathroom sink, nothing but empty
urges, nothing comes up but the vile feeling in my throat.
shut your mouth don't say anything
please just let me understand myself
and figure this out on my own.
i know myself more than you ever will
don't ever say you know me
because i have so many fucking secrets
you would laugh if you knew,
i wouldn't even tell god himself to save my life.
so stop.
i don't need anyone's help.
i don't i don't i don't.
i have issues and i can't get rid of them
and i don't know where they came from
and i don't know how to cope with them.
my voice never seems to be loud enough
for you people to hear me
screaming in your face
that i am not okay
and that i have a problem
and that i am trying so hard to fucking
fix
myself
but all you ever say is it is not your fault emily!

it is not your fault emily
it is not your fault emily
it is not your fault emily
it is not your fault emily

stop saying that before i hate you
stop telling me lies just to make me feel better
why else would people be sad over me
why else would they run
why else
why
just let me fall apart on my own
just let me break my own heart for once
let me find the bandaids
and let me find the happiness.
let me do it on my own.
let me be a problem on my own.
let me fix it on my own.
and
if i need you,
if i need anyone,
i will let you know.

r.k.