several times a day, i am on the cusp of forgetting about the world.
i am so very close to the edge of not caring.
my eyes will sink into my skull and become half lidded,
my steps become slower and my breathing evens itself out,
and i begin to notice everyone and everything that comes my way.
the weight that is piled onto my shoulders slips off into the void,
and my head lifts itself from its collarbone home.
i become aware of everything and unaware of everything,
the world seems to slow and walk right beside me,
as if it was on my side for once,
as if all the forces of nature and it's elements were with me,
and not against me.
like we were blind enemies.
as if there was nothing wrong with the girl that i am.
several times a day, countless epiphanies ring in my head.
it's too short to give me any long-term feelings,
but the more often they happen, the more i notice them.
the more aware i am of how my brain processes things.
but despite the endless revolutions in my body,
they are not strong enough to tip me over that edge of not caring.
they are not influential enough to make me think twice.
so when they end, my world reverses back to normal.
my eyes widen and i speed up my pace and my breathing.
everyone and everything becomes an ugly blur blocking my path.
the weight that fell from me climbs it way back to my shoulders and sits comfortably.
my chin sinks to my chest and i stare at the linoleum ground that holds me.
the world is against me once again.
i can see again.
several times a day, i almost change my life for the better.
several times a day, my life ends up unchanged.
r.k.
YOU ARE READING
Meathead Monologue
诗歌I wanted everyone and everything; all the time and all at once. [volume ii] [poetry and prose] [2017-2019]
