Meathead Monologue

reminiscing about the past; in which i was naive

had i been a little less naive, you would have been a little less hurt.
but i was quick to fall in a hole i had been warned so fondly about.
i was head over heels for the idea of love,
and with you, it was even better.
you were the first.
the first person to look at my directly
and love the absolute hell out of me.
for that, you must have been one brave person.
but i was asking for it. i was asking for that kind of pain, wasn't i?
i deserved what i got, but i don't think you did.
you were good, and i was selfish until the end.
i know that your body was covered in knives
but i was too afraid to touch, too afraid to get close,
too afraid to break.
was running my only option? probably not.
but maybe from that you have learned that i am weak,
maybe you've learned of the lovesick child that still dwells in my stomach, reaching out to any hand that will hold it.
still, had i been a little less naive, you would not have been hurt this much.
because i hated the sight of the tears rolling down your face.
because you were a treasure i stumbled upon and left untouched for your next love.
because you were my first real pain.
my first real heartbreak.
and i have learned a lot since those months i spent with you.
and i will tell you to your face if need be,
i do not regret anything.
and i am glad i can see you and still smile.
i am glad that we are still friends.
still, had i been a little less naive, you would not have gotten hurt at all.

r.k.