Meathead Monologue

class of 2018, graduation

you touch my shoulder delicately, fingers on my bare skin.
i step a bit closer, unsure of what too close really is.
your hand grips my shoulder, but softly still, like glass in your hand.
i lean my shoulder into you, and it only comes up to your abdomen, for you are so much taller than me.
you hug me close like you're going to lose me already, and i stand there like i am not going to let you lose me so soon.
my heart is calm, and my brain is telling me i am doing fine. just fine.
and you are so cute, your smile and your glasses, and your hair and your eyes. you are so cute.
i stare for way too long, but it is alright
because each time you look away, your eyes find their way back to me. your eyes find their way home.
snap. she takes a picture of us; we move apart, too quickly
instantly cold, i want to lean into you again. i want to stand with you and walk with you and hug you and hold your hand.
i want a place in your life.
nonchalantly i say goodbye after you tell me you have to meet your friends
and you say it back as well.
i don't look back, not even once, because i stuff my head into my sweater and squeeze my eyes shut as my whole body rockets out of place.
i become everything, then nothing.
everything, then nothing.
all at once i become the everything and nothing in your mind.
i am shaking in my flats, my heart realizing what just happened.
i feel the urge to cry, i am so purely overjoyed.
and you're gone, just like that.
but you linger on me, in me, for days, weeks, months. just like that.
you linger, you always do, it's my fault.
but i don't mind. i don't mind it at all.
my heart becomes pressurized, and everything is tight and overwhelming.
the wind around me wraps in a victorious hug, for i have come across my second love.
everything is chaos.
but only for a second or two.
and then it passes and i am left with a smile.
when i finally turn around, you are out of sight.
gone, just like that.
and i think i love you.

r.k.