Meathead Monologue

dear thomas

i think at some point in these four years,
i have loved you.
whether that be illusional love or not,
i know you did too.
but your arms that were made for encasing girls
always find themselves around someone
who isn't me.
and if you choose to be unfaithful to a girl in your arms
then i won't act on the love i felt
for an unfaithful boy with a basket of girls' hearts,
he didn't even know he held
we may have loved each other
but not at the right times.
you loved me when you met me,
and i loved you when i lost you.
it's a real tragedy that life plays out the way it does,
but then again, i continue to stuff you in my poems
every now and then
so . . . maybe i do still love you.
but i know that you don't right now.
because your arms that were made for encasing girls
are holding a beautiful angel
who is not me.
dear thomas,
i will keep your room warm in my heart
if you choose to come home.
i have been a fool for you for a while now,
and i pray that you can be one for me too.
but for now, please keep your godly arms around one girl
and protect her and love her.
don't love me just yet.
it's not our time.
please forget me for now and live a fun and happy life
don't look for me in crowds i won't be in
and don't try to find my voice in songs i don't sing.
even though i will be doing just that, thinking of you,
don't do that to me.
you can forget me, but i won't forget you.
i do believe i loved you and because of that
i want to let you go.
dear thomas,
goodbye for now, and remember that i love you.

-emily

r.k.