Meathead Monologue

class of 2018, graduation; revisited

the moment i knew i loved you was when you motioned to get closer, and your arm came around to my left side. your arm held me close to your side and your fingers latched onto my shoulder. and for five seconds, i was yours. the first and, most likely, last time we touched was at your graduation. that was a moment of pure bliss. pure heart racing, and pure red blush. pure "i am in love with you." that is definitely the moment i knew i loved you. and it blows my mind still, that you choose to talk to me. it blows my mind, still, that you see me. and it blows my mind, sadly, that you will probably never touch me gently like that again. we probably won't go anywhere from here. we probably won't fall in love like i had desperately hoped. and despite all the imaginary scenarios i think up when i'm lonely, i can't help but think that this is impossible. for me to love this much. i don't think anyone has ever gave me this type of excitement. nothing in my past can compare to that moment that we shared. when our bodies touched and our hearts were next to each other. and the aftermath of internalized screaming and heat. nothing can compare. what a shame it would be, then, if you didn't think much about that moment. what a shame it would be if you'd hugged me and then went off without a second thought. what a shame it would be if that moment doesn't cross your mind every so often, while it's on mine all the time. what a damn shame. how pitiful i have become in love. how repetitive and weak. all my thoughts consist of you. all my choices are based on you. you, you, you. please, could you give me some hint? let me know if you have a crush on me too. until then, i'll sneak you into my poetry and my art, until your cute and tired eyes will finally notice that i am head over heels in love with you.

r.k.