Letters to Anonymous | ✔️

Dear Anonymous

June 6th, 2016

Dear Anonymous,

Thought I'd go back to simpler times. I'm pretty sure 'simpler times' was only 2 weeks ago or something...but it really does feel like forever ago where we were just hanging out, ignorant towards problems.

I know, I do know that you're right in there somewhere. I'm sorry, I know this isn't an easy topic for anyone. But I really just don't wanna talk about it. I hate talking about it. It's a *insert poop emoji* part of my life and I'm in it all the times I'm at my house. When I leave the house, I just want to pretend like I'm normal. And constantly bringing up that topic doesn't help at all. I know this isn't justification at all, in fact it just makes one realize even more that I'm running away from my problems instead of facing them.

Truth is, I'm afraid, Adrian. I'm freaking terrified. I want to be free from my father. But I want everyone to be safe. I want to not have to confront him. I just want to escape and forget about consequences at the same time. There's too many things I want, but no way to accomplish them all.

And I really, really don't want to give my mother any satisfaction that she's helping me. I don't know if I sound sadistic, but really Adrian, you don't understand the amount of nights I was in pain, physical pain, emotional pain, crying myself to sleep and not having a single hope of..of anything. No hope for happiness, for love, for family. I wanted nothing more in the world than my mother to come home and help me. But she never did. I can't even explain it. I can't. Years. Years, Adrian. Not just one year. Not just 365 days. But 365 days times nine. All those days, all those nights, I spent waiting for her. And now, she wants to all of a sudden come and hope for me to run into her newly opened arms? Do you know how angry that makes me? How unfair all of that is? How just absolutely miserable it makes me feel? It isn't fair!

Do you even know why she left? She left because she said my dad was insufferable. Yeah, because he's annoying. And then, she asked for me once, but my dad said he was going to keep me, and she didn't even bother coming back for me.

Now tell me how am I supposed to skip into her 'loving arms'?

Sincerely,
Someone

PS. I didn't really want to end this on such a sour note, which is all we seem to be doing lately ..so just letting you know that my abandonment issues still very much exist ;p