Breaking The Silence

January 5th

TW: self harm

Dylan woke up in a cold sweat again. He needed something to take away the pain. Alcohol had always been his first and only choice. He'd never taken drugs, not even experimenting in med school, but he needed a fix from somewhere. He knew he was still experiencing withdrawal from the drugs he'd been given. And he knew this feeling would eventually pass. Finding nothing in his room to take the edge of, Dylan left.

Sam woke at the sound of the door closing. It took her a few minutes to realise that it was Dylan that had left. She ran out to see if she could find him. The corridor was empty. Luckily, there was only one way to go, so Sam followed the corridor to a communal area. She couldn't see Dylan at first. But then she spotted him. Sat on a bench. As she got closer she watched him take a scalpel to his wrist. By the time she got to him he'd managed to cut himself. Kneeling down in front of him, she pushed the scalpel away.

"I'm sorry Sam"

"You have nothing to be sorry for". Sam checked his wrist and was glad that it was only superficial. She'd got to him in time before he could inflict anymore damage onto himself. She hugged him and Dylan rested his head against hers. It hadn't gone unnoticed that he hadn't hugged back this time. Like he always had done. She was grateful that he hadn't pushed her away, like he'd understandably had done with anyone that tried touching him since they found him.

"Let's get you back to your room"

*****

"I'm guessing Zsa Zsa knows what happened? The fact that I'm here". Dylan watched as Sam cleaned his wrist up. It stung him a bit. Dylan was embarrassed to realise that it felt good.

"I hope you don't mind. We knew you'd need round the clock care for a few days". Sam picked up a plaster and stuck it on his wrist.

"To make sure I don't top myself? I wasn't trying to before". Dylan moved his arm away, wanting to rub the plaster to see if the friction would make him feel better.

"I know. Are you angry we called Zsa Zsa?"

"No of course not. She knows more about my past than even you do due to a drunken night out with her in med school"

Sam should have been upset upon hearing that. She'd always suspected there were things, more so about her ex husbands childhood, then he had told her. Especially regarding his dad, who he had always refused to talk about. "I'm glad you had someone there for you"

"Not at the time of my life when I could have really done with someone unfortunately. But such is the way of the universe".

*****

David and Glen arrived in the evening with clothes for Sam. After taking a much needed shower, Sam finally had chance to catch up with David. He'd hinted that there had been some issue with Dylan when they had found him on the boat two days ago.

"Did you know we went to France on a humanitarian mission?"

"I hadn't realised Dylan had gone. Wow, he used to always say he hated the French"

"He did, but someone put his name down to go"

"Bet he loved that! So what happened in France?"

"Short version. He became attached to a 12 year old boy. Sanosi. And smuggled him home"

"Wow". Dylan had always been impulsive, doing what he thought was the right thing to do, even if it wasn't. "Was he not worried he'd be caught?"

"We both were. Sanosi stayed with Dylan on the boat whilst we were trying to get in touch with the boys uncle. He turned up in the ED after smuggling drugs. We had no choice but to call the police. Dylan didn't hand Sanosi over at that point. It was only when Connie was onto him that he took Sanosi to the police himself"

"That must have been when he started drinking. I thought it was him coping with me coming back when we found him".

"If only I'd known he was a recovering alcoholic". David mentally chastised himself for thinking that. That wasn't fair. David had stopped Dylan from running away. He'd stopped Dylan from handing himself in. But he'd also pushed his friend away in the process. He left Dylan alone on the boat after Sanosi had gone. He was to blame.

"David, don't blame yourself. It was his chance to be a dad. He would have thought that he'd failed Sanosi but having to let him go. Dylan's dad walked out on him and his mum when he was 15. His mum didn't take it well and committed suicide. Dylan's never told me anything about his dad. I've never met him"

"Oh I have. He's not a nice man. He walked out on his partner and baby daughter. Dylan looks after her. We need to tell Hazel what's happened"

"Dylan's a big brother? That I want to see!"

"How come you didn't have kids? Sorry, you don't have to answer that"

"It's fine David. We decided to wait until I'd completed my service. We did loose a baby. I hadn't even realised that I was pregnant. I was on my first deployment. I had to tell Dylan over the phone. When I finished that deployment, he was drinking again"

David looked up as Dylan came into view with Glen. "Have you two finished talking about me?"

"You need to tell me all about that sister of yours"

"And we need to tell Hazel what's happened"

"What day is it? She was visiting family over ..... the holiday". Dylan couldn't bring himself to say New Year. What an awful start to the year he'd had so far.

"Friday", Glen said in answer. Sam hadn't bothered keeping a track of what day it was.

"She'll be back tomorrow. I was supposed to be watching Rihanna for her overnight"

"We'll sort something out Dylan. Don't worry"

Dylan was worried. He couldn't go back to the boat after what had happened. He felt like he couldn't go back to work and face everyone. He felt useless.

But this time he wasn't alone. He had David, Glen, Iain, Zsa Zsa and even his beloved Sam on side. Sam. The only woman he'd ever loved.