Breaking The Silence

January 13th Pt1

Dylan decided he wanted to go for a walk this morning. He hadn't been outside the clinic since he arrived. It was...cold. No one had thought to bring him a coat but he didn't really mind. This time next week he'll have left the clinic and be taking baby steps in his return to work. And staying with David, who he'd have to thank the next time he saw him.

He was looking forward to seeing Dervla again. And then he heard the unmistakable sound of Dervla barking. He turned towards the sound as she came running around the corner of the building. "Dervla!" He cried in happiness as she licked his face. He looked up to see Robyn and Glen with Charlotte. And Lofty.

"Looks like Dervla found Dylan" Robyn giggled to Charlotte, who gurgled back in delight.

"Thank goodness for that. I wasn't expecting her to do a runner when I opened the car door"

"She'll have just followed De-De's smell!". Robyn smacked Glen on the arm. "Dogs have a good sense of smell do they not?"

Dylan laughed "When it comes to food with this one"

"I think she just missed you Dylan" Dylan looked at Lofty. "I've missed you. Sorry for not getting in touch since I've been back in Holby"

Dylan hugged Lofty, Lofty hugged him back. "I'm sorry for not going to the pub"

"Want to take Dervla for a walk?". Dylan nodded. "We won't be long guys"

*****

Dylan and Lofty walked along in companionable silence, letting Dervla lead them. She eventually stopped at a random picnic table. Dylan laughed because it was so absurd and quite frankly, in the middle of nowhere. Lofty laughed too. "Well, we might as well make use of it. Would be rude not to"

They sat down, backs leaning against the table. "So how are you really?"

"Scared to leave here". Dylan closed his eyes.

"That's understandable"

"Almost like before with my OCD. The thought of returning to work. Facing people. I also have to see Ben Harding again"

"He's pretty good though"

"I thought you were off training to be a counsellor? I could have had you instead"

Lofty laughed. "I had to prove to myself that I could still be a nurse. Look, if you ever need to talk, I'm here"

Lofty noticed Dylan scratching his hand. Dylan realised he was looking and immediately stopped. "I've started doing that when I'm nervous"

"It's ok Dylan, you don't have to tell me anything. Just sitting here with you is good enough"

"Lofty, I want to go back to the boat. Not to stay there, I don't think I could ever live there again. But I need to go back"

"Are you sure? I don't think anyone's been back since.."

"I was raped. You can say it, I won't self combust"

"I know you won't". Lofty squeezed Dylan's hand. "If you're sure you're ready to, I can come with you?"

"I'd like that"

"Good". Lofty looked at Dylan. It was clear he wanted to say something else. "You can tell me anything Dylan, I won't judge you"

"You might". Dylan sighed. "If someone grabbed you and then threatened to hurt someone you loved, if you didn't do as they said, would you have tried fighting them off?"

"Well you know I'm against violence but if someone I cared about was threatened, I would have gone to the moon and back for them"

"To hell and back more like"

"They were going to hurt Dervla weren't they?"

"And my friend Zack if I didn't do what they wanted"

"Did they hurt Zack?"

"They didn't. I did. We were coerced into having sex and they also wanted him to ..... He wouldn't because they had me drugged up at one point" Dylan closed his eyes trying to remember, or forget, he wasn't entirely sure.

"Dylan, none of what happened was your fault"

"Then why do I blame myself? I wish I hadn't gone into the pub now. I wouldn't have got into a fight. Zack would have gone to the club with his friends and not felt sorry for me. I should have just drowned my sorrows alone on the boat like I usually do"

"Zack sounds like a good friend to have. I'm sure he doesn't blame you Dylan"

"Maybe, but I'll never forget how he sat there crying because of what they were doing to me". Dylan cried. Lofty wrapped his arms around him.

Lofty had wondered why Dylan had ended up in a pub, all on his own on New Years Eve. He wanted to ask but knew that whatever the reason was, Dylan would only end up blaming himself even more. Lofty assumed something must have happened in his life for him to have gone in. He needed to ask Zoe.