Floral

FIFTEEN

Flo POV:

Lou gets under the duvet beside me, she says nothing and waits for me to begin. I rest my head back on the pillow and shut my eyes, my heads started spinning.

"Sorry, I'll have to stay like this." My stomachs sick with nerves. "Lou, do you mind if I talk and you listen until I'm finished? That way I won't stop myself."

Lou simply nods and I start to talk.

"In the airport, you told me I was a part of the family...this family? I got upset because, well I don't have one. Technically I do, my parents aren't dead or anything but they're not really parents and never have been." I take a deep breath. "My mum and dad drank too much and took too much, I can't ever remember them being nice or normal. When I was younger I was in the care of my Grandma, she died when I was fifteen and so I had no choice other than to go back home...if you could call it that. Fifteen is still young b..but..."

I squeeze my eyes shut tighter, trying to hold back the tears that are looming. "...protecting myself became easier. Escaping became slightly easier. I had a job babysitting which allowed me to save some money over the years and my Grandma had left me a good sum which I didn't know about until I was eighteen..so like last year." A tear rolls down my cheek. "I used the money to start a new life."

I feel the bed move and Lou is closer to me, she takes my hand and squeezes it. "When people touch me Lou. I don't...I don't know. I just can't. Strangers not people I'm familiar with."

I'm shaking.

Sharing these things isn't easy, I haven't opened up to anybody about anything. I think it's time to change, I want more than anything to be able to be transparent, I trust them all.

"My parents. They hit me a couple times, broke a rib once I think." I wince as I recall the pain, all the pain. "Long story short, when I was eighteen and had enough money, I ran. It was the middle of the night, I packed a bag and ran as far as a bus ticket would take me. I was frightened of everything and everyone." I open my eyes and look briefly at Lou who's crying.

How do I explain the next part, it's fair to say, I don't seem to have much luck.

"Raped. I was raped." I blurt out, I hear Lou hold back a sob. "Before I ran, last summer, I went to this random college party with some friends. They'd begged me to go and I did, I'd planned to leave a couple weeks later and I knew I'd never see them again. Everything was hazy and still is. All I recall, is waking up in a hospital bed the next day; a woman found me in the street and took me to the hospital. I think it was some sort of date rape drug? That's why I have no recollection whatsoever." My breathing is heavy, I'm still shaking. "I left the next night, I couldn't be there any longer."

Lou wipes a tear from my cheek and pulls me into her arms.

"Today. The panic attack. Someone grabbed my waist, I knew it wasn't you or Harry or Harry and I lost it. Since that night my anxiety has been awful, when it starts I can't sleep. Certain thoughts replay over and over in my head, my brain can't stop. I think it's the fact that the person who..you know, well he's still out there and is still a total mystery."

"You're safe." Lou murmurs.

I shake my head. "No Lou. Every now and then something happens, I'm sure someone's watching me or tries to. Perhaps it's all in my head, which I'd believe, except I've gotten two notes in the past."

"When?" Lou queries.

"A couple months after it happened and one at the beginning of this year. He's watching me." I cry.

"Flo. Harry would never let anything happen to you. You're safe with us." She says softly, trying to calm me down.

"I feel awful. This impacts you guys now and that's unfair, I'm putting you in danger." I confess.

Lou puts her arm round my shoulders. "Stop right there. Nothing is your fault. Some fucking predator assaulted you and obviously it's bigger than you thought. Yeah, we have to be extra careful now, not you're fault and I'm not letting you go or letting you make yourself feel this way."

It astounds me how much Lou cares. "When those hands went round my waist today, my heart started to race. It became intense and I lost my breath."

I feel anxious thinking about it. I need to think about a happy place, Harry's arms would be lovely right now.

Harry.

What do I do about Harry?

"I think you should tell Harry." Lou expresses.

Do I or don't I? Harry's my boss but he's my friend first and possibly more. This whole being watched thing effects us all; me, him, Harry, Lux and Lou and anyone else who's around us. Harry and I, if our connection turned out to be more than friendly, well I'd want him to know and it's better getting everything in the open now rather than months down the line.

"I think I should too." I still feel slightly dizzy so I lie back again.

"He told me he has an urge to protect you Flo. Let him." Lou says.

I'm not stupid. Harry cares about me, I know that. I have no doubt's that he'll make me feel more safe than I've felt in a long time, he'd never hurt me. All I need to do is let my guard down and I think I want to.

For a while me and Lou just lie in bed, no talking, I think she's taking it all in.

"What will Harry say?" I ask, turning on my side to face Lou.

"It's a lot to comprehend. He won't think of you any differently, I feel like he'll feel even stronger about looking after you." She says. "Want me to go get him?"

"Please." Lou starts to move from under the duvet. "Oh..Lou. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, we're family."

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yo, yo, yo.

i know what's happened to flo is extremely traumatic and horrible, these things are a sensitive topic. that's why i tried to make her talking about it sincere and respectful, i was sceptical about writing it but if it comes out now then the story can develop much easier.

if any of you aren't a fan of this or the way it's written, i'm truly sorry.

let me know how you feel?

tysm x