The Sound of Silence 2 // H.S.

5

Nikki's POV

Taylor excused herself and went to her room to give Harry and I some privacy. I was a little afraid to be alone with him. I didn't want us to get caught up in our emotions, so I opted not to take him into the bedroom. Instead, I had him sit on the sofa while I put the kettle on in the kitchen. This gave me some time to think about how I was going to deal with him.

He knows the truth now. He heard what he heard and he saw what he saw. This doesn't fix anything. My biggest fear is that if I give in and take him back, I will eventually have another breakdown and it will be too much or he will doubt me again. I don't want him to see me weak or vulnerable. People keep trying to knock me down when I'm already down.

The kettle whistled at me for a few moments before I finally got out of my dazed state to pour the water into two mugs—a chamomile tea for him and a jasmine green tea for me. I knew he wasn't a big fan of chamomile, but the scent itself would hopefully calm his nerves. I could tell he was full of anxiety.

I walked back to the living room to find that he wasn't where I left him. I walk past the piano room and see him standing outside on the terrace. I could tell that he was taking several deep breaths. He looked over, giving me a small smile. I handed him his tea and slowly sipped on mine while looking out at the city view. Cities are exciting, but I prefer to be surrounded by nature much more.

"Nikki, I don't even know where to start." Harry took a sip of his tea then set it down on a side table.

"Well, nothing you say is really going to change the situation, Harry. It is what it is." I sighed, keeping my focus on the city lights. I feel like I will break down again if I look at him too closely. My heart was racing and I wasn't even looking at him. All I had to do was be near him; I felt pathetic.

"I've been absolutely deplorable to you. A million apologies wouldn't be enough." He stepped closer towards me. I put my cup down and crossed my arms to hide the fact that I was starting to shake.

"Oh, tell me something I don't already know!" I snapped.

"Why won't you look at me?! I don't know what to say. Please let me try to fix this. I never meant for this to happen. I was supposed to protect you and I failed!" His voice shook with emotion.

"What's funny is that I was trying to protect you and failed! If I wasn't so stressed from my last tour or depressed about my dad dying then maybe I would've stayed on my medication and stayed away from cocaine. If I wasn't committed...if you hadn't seen me at my most vulnerable, maybe then you would've believed me." My voice got smaller as I said the words out loud. I sat on the bench with my head in my hands.

"Nikki..."

"I've been praying. I never did before. Never. I feel like I'm talking to the walls." I groaned in frustration.

He sat down next to me, taking my hands in his. I kept my gaze at my feet. It's times like these that I wish I still had my long hair to cover my face.

"Please look at me, angel."

"No." I sounded like a defiant child, but those eyes of his are way too hypnotizing.

"Why?"

"Because I will want to kiss your stupid face." Oh, how I wanted to kiss his stupid face.