The Sound of Silence 2 // H.S.

14

"The Sound of Silence" - Simon & Garfunkel

Nikki's POV

I must've put on every dress I brought to Jamaica, but none of them felt like the "one" for this date. My hands were clammy and my mouth dry—why was I so nervous? I didn't have these first date jitters the first time around. What makes this date any different?

One might think I'd be less nervous after we messed around yesterday. We've been more giggly than normal. Our flirty glances have even made Mitch blush. He blames us for him breaking a string on his guitar.

Harry was being extra attentive to me today since I woke up in the middle of the night having a complete night terror. I thrashed around until he held me to his chest and rocked me back and forth. He kept asking me if I wanted to talk about it, but all I could do was shake my head. I was having nightmares nearly every night; this just happened to be the first time Harry had heard me and woke up.

I wasn't ready to talk about what my mind had blocked out for years.

I could still see the rage on my father's face as his fist came down. I could still hear my sister's screams when he pushed me down the stairs, only maybe it wasn't him. The nightmare had shifted this time. Images of my mother were being woven in; my mind was slowly unravelling the truth that I had blocked out to protect myself.

I desperately held onto my dad, trying to get through to him. His eyes had softened if only for a moment before my mum yanked my hands off him. I started to fall back and reached for her to help me, but to my horror she stepped back. My dad reached his arms out to grab me, but it was too late.

I was 13 at the time and completely ravaged with guilt over my twin brother's death. Perhaps the entire time my mother actually resented me the most. The video footage that Jeff Azoff blackmailed her with was beyond triggering. Every time I had a blackout it was easy to blame my dad who had Dissociative Identity Disorder, but was he really to blame?

I was only able to handle watching some of the accidental moments caught on camera. My sister and her friends were filming something silly and in the background you can see my mum slamming my head into the wall and holding me down by my neck as she scolded me about god knows what. Lucy and her friends looked scared and stopped the recording.

The one that triggered a complete panic attack was footage from my 14th birthday. I was filming myself playing Jack's favorite song on my guitar and my mother suddenly charged at me from off camera and backslapped me across the face. I had no memory of that but my body reacted.

What really haunts me is wondering why these tapes were kept. How the fuck did Harry's manager know about them? He must know someone in my family or someone close to me.

"You've been quiet toda—woah what the fuck happened in here?!" Harry walked into my room and looked around at the disaster of dresses surrounding me. I was sitting there in only my knickers and no bra.

"Where are your manners, Styles? Don't you know how to knock?" I joked. He smirked at my state of undress.

"I did knock, but clearly you didn't hear me. It looks like a bomb went off in here. Ooh!" He held one of my Alexander McQueen dresses up to his body. "I think I could rock this."

I giggled at him doing different sassy poses with the dress. Truth is, he really could rock it. He could wear anything with that unwavering confidence of his.

"You can like totally borrow it if ya want!" I said in my best valley girl accent.

"O-M-G! Like that would be totally cool! Thanks bestie!" Harry puts one hand on his hip and holds his mouth open in mock excitement. I took a quick picture with my phone, laughing at how perfect it came out.