Save Me[Book 2 of R.M]

Save Me/56/Don't Die Without Me

"Hard work betrays none, but dreams betray many. Working hard alone doesn't assure you that you'll achieve your dreams. Actually there are more cases where you don't. Even so, working hard and achieving something is some consolation at least."

-Hachiman Hikigaya (OreGairu)

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"There are times when I wish everything was fine." Mitsuru mumbles softly. He edges closer to Mikan and Hisana. They're in the Ferris Wheel which has stopped just at the top for a moment so that they can admire the sunset. "Or how I wish I knew nothing at all."

Mikan's hand brushes his cheek, "Mitsu. It will be fine."

A tear falls delicately down and under his chin; his jaw quivers, "Of course not. When we come back, it won't change. This is like a dream, a...a wish." He stumbles over his words awkwardly while holding his shirt down.

He's still a kid but at the moment, so is Mikan. She doesn't know what its like to be a mother or anything so she doesn't know what to do for him. Instead of thinking, she hugs him and Hisana.

"What do you think Sana?"

Sana glances at Mikan, tears in her eyes as well. "I think that change is possible. We saved you didn't we?"

She nudges her head into Mikan's shirt. "You did. So what makes you think that nothing more can change in that point in time? You come from the future so doesn't it mean that your future with change too?"

Mitsuru doesn't answer.

"If we disappear, does that mean that everyone will disappear in the future too?" Sana mutters, her voice cracking.

"No." Mikan recalls the fortune teller's words and how it had changed her future. "We can't always know what will happen. It's up to our actions and how we feel."

The Cart starts moving slowly, it creeks.

"I also feel very scared of the future and what it holds. Will we ever relax and be happy like this again? Or is it only temporary? We can't think about that. All we can think about is 'now'." Her lips brush agains their temples.

"Mama?" Sana squeaks so Mikan holds her closer, "Why did Daddy leaves us too?"

Mikan shakes her head, "I think it was too much for him. You know he lost his mom when he was little? He had to take care of his sister too, like you Mitsuru."

"He had his Dad, " Mitsuru says bitterly, "We had no one."

"And what about Takumi's family?"

"We all lost the person we love the most in this world." Mitsuru rubs at his eyes aggressively.

She observes her kids closely. Both resembling the both of them, herself and Natsume, so much. She can see herself in both of them.

"Mitsuru. I didn't grow up with my parents you know?"

He looks back at her regretfully. Mikan stares out into the night sky,

"Not once did I ever think that I was completely alone and resented them for it but I did feel lonely at times because I did end up losing my Jicchan too. Thanks to my friends I was able to cope with the darkness and in the process I was able to help others too. You'll feel alone and desperate for love but then one moment you'll look around and see that there are others just like that too. It feels dark, cold, like someone is suffocating you.

You just want to roll up into a ball and sit in a closet all the time where no one can touch you because you hate this world and all its evil people. Sometimes you'll want to die because you just don't want to feel anything at all. You start to think that not knowning anything, not feeling anything, not living and feeling the pain is better than experiencing it at all. Maybe its true, maybe its worse, or maybe its easier to die than to wait for happiness to knock on your door.