Shadows of Shelly

Shelly - Looking Forward Part 30a

THIRTY-a

Shelly – Looking Forward

Brit has been moody since Steven's request has been turned down again. He flares up and wants to fight anyone who tries to tell him Steven is better off. Steven receives his Air Force pension. His income from patents are approaching a million dollars. Song Brit, Granma Yai Yeem, and I are feeling the impact of his anger.

"I'm going to resign my commission."

"You are not fit to live with. Go ahead and resign but know that when you do - your son, grandma, dog and I are going to resign from you. Steven and Anna have made peace with the decision, but all you do is sulk and make everybody around you miserable."

"You mean that you will leave me?"

"It is not our fault, but you treat us like you want us to do something that cannot be done. We are barely holding on. One more outburst against your family, and we are gone. I am not kidding. We are tired. You have dumped on us and frayed our hearts. The Air Force doctors reported their findings. They are bound to tell the truth."

He watched me with a wicked smile planted on his face, "I am sorry that I have been a bother. I promise you that I will not trouble you anymore." At supper he was joking with little Brit and bounced him on his knee.

Not a word was spoken about Steven's situation. After supper Brit, Song Brit and Son of Dog were wrestling on the floor. I heard him say, "I love you guys whether I am here or wherever." He exhibited a pale stern gaze, took a shower, dressed in his gray-green fatigues and told the boy and dog, "I have to go to work. I will be back in a couple of days." As he was leaving I heard him say, "Don't worry about me."

The sound from his jeep exploded as the roar from the engine filled the house. He did not tell me where I could reach him or when he expected to return.

Our son and Son of Dog had a frozen stare as they peered from the window. I heard Song Brit say to Son of Dog, "Daddy might not come back." I ran to the living room." Both were sobbing. I hugged them and asked the boy, "Why do you think Daddy will not return?"

"I heard him tell the man on the phone that he might not be back." I hugged them both and joined the sobbing. Grandma Yai Yeem entered the bedroom a few hours later, woke me out of a heavy sleep and said, "I had a bad dream about Brit dying. He was shot. Baxter was kneeling next to him and Brit whispered, "Tell Shelly, 'I love her.'"

A few minutes later Momma, Aunt Dawkmymy and Aunt Nang Chom were at the door. Their shoulders were drooping. They had puffy eyes and their makeup appeared smeared. Horror exuded from their faces. My focus became blurry and I collapsed to the floor. A strange pain quivered from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet.

Momma and Aunt Nang Chom helped me to my feet. With extreme effort, I voiced, "All of you saw the vision." They nodded but remained silent. Momma hugged me and said, "I am sorry, Hon."

I felt queasiness in my gut. My muscles were rigid and restricting. My throat hurt and swallowing was grueling. What am I going to do without him.