I don't know if you noticed, but I write everything I'm too scared to tell you. As if not seeing your face as I spill my secrets will somehow make the shame less heavy. Because I was raised in world that said "Be loud or don't speak at all" and so I stayed silent because the only voice I had was a quite and shaky one. My introversion combined with increasing anxiety only encouraged the silence even more. Although I am getting better, I'm still hesitant to say my true feelings on important things. I'm hoping I'll get better at that too. But right now, I'm just really hoping you found this book. I apologize that I don't have the courage to tell you this...to your face. I've tried and had many times where I almost did. But...I convinced myself it would end horribly, ruin any kind of friendship I had with you and again, make you hate me. My overthinking brain loves to put a gag on my heart. I sit here and I still don't know what might've changed if I had told you. Please don't be mistaken-these feelings are none the less real. And to be honest, they kind of scare me with their sincerity. I'm hoping you'll look past my shaking voice and look at my typing hands. My heart can only bypass my brain through writing. I'm wishing for a day where I'm given another opportunity to tell you all these things, so that I might do so. Because tomorrow is not guaranteed. Oh my love, I apologize for my fear.
