I can't stop missing you. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, I think about you. At Disney Springs I see things you would've liked if you were there, the sound of your laugh when I hear a joke, at 2 am when I'm talking to the moon about you and even when I'm just...drawing. You're always there. Hopelessly in love with your perfections, imperfections, tragedies and everything in between. Especially your hugs (you give the best hugs, by the way). There were so many simple pleasures about being with you. Your contagious laugh, what seems like stray sun beams in your eyes, when you would try and fix your fluff of wavy hair, the aura of warmth and, i don't know how to describe this...experience? Like you've lived through some shit, but still have the brightest smile I've ever seen. You were always there for me (wait no, I really don't want to say that in the past tense). You were and are always there for me. I don't think you'll ever realize how much you've changed my life for the better or how much it meant to me that you were still there for me in some of my darkest moments. I don't know if you realize how many people left while you stayed. I'm not crying, you're crying *quickly wiping tears*. So in case you didn't already know *boops nose* I am hopelessly in love with you.
It's funny, I tried for what's probably the millionth time, to convince my parents to let me see you or just talk to you again. They're pretty sick of me bringing it up, but I don't care. I know what's worth fighting for and this? You mean the world to me and I will try every opportunity presented to me. The reason I say it's funny is because every time I bring it up they give me the same reasoning every time; "We think he might have feelings for you". Internally I'm giggling and thinking well, I mean, I sure hope he does, or else this would be awkward. I think that's the only thing that makes me laugh about this situation. It's hilarious because they know how much you mean to me and how much I love you and they're fine with that. Because they're thought process is "Well, we can control her". But when you started loving me back, they were like "oh shIT ABORT!" and I don't know why, but that's hilarious to me. They fully expected me to love someone...but they never expected someone to love me back.
They're overprotective because my extended family is full of horror stories (multiple marriages, rape, abuse etc.). They're traumatized; I'm not justifying them at all, I just want you to understand. They do love me and you. They've told me multiple times that they actually like you, they just *giggle* are concerned that you might actually have feelings for me. Which again, is hilarious.
Point is, I love you (always will), miss you and i hope you can kind of understand where my parents are coming from. I say hopelessly in love because well, I am. As in, there is no hope for me not being in love with you. k, um...*anxiety starts coming back* yeah. Also, I can never listen to Florence and the Machine or dodie the same way anymore XD. k, cool, bai.
coffee on the beach by halberd
P.S.
Jesus christ, how are you so good at writing???? You make everything your write sound like poetry. Just....what. I am so sorry because my writing is utter shit (I mean, honestly) compared to yours. I wasn't ready. Who you fightin?
