Thursday night
i dreamt of going to a hotel
the lobby was so large
and I spent hours exploring it
with my seemingly perfect family
and out of the corner of my eye
I saw
you
I felt time stop as my eyes glued
onto your presence
my mind raced
my heart glowed
both terrified yet
incandescently happy
"how do I greet him without my family noticing??"
and to my absolute disbelief
not only did they see you
they loved you
each and every one of them embracing you
with open arms and hearts
and I started sobbing
as you finally looked at me
and I saw tears in your own eyes
then
I woke up.
the true agony came
when I realized
it
was not
a memory
-I do dream and it breaks me every time
when I am frustrated
sad, distressed or in pain
I sing
with every single ounce of being
as if it might all go away.
I've taken hundreds of voice memos
for years
occasionally sending them to friends
and they
love it
but all I hear
is the pain hidden behind quarter notes
and quiet tears in the rests
the painful sigh
as every inch of darkness in my soul
rises in my agony
and slowly
leaves my body.
Singing is both
lovely
and painful
-the medicine is bittersweet
I arrived home
from possibly the most frustrating day
by far
and when I entered my room
the window was
shattered
and one succulent was missing
yours
I felt tears welling up
and scratched my arm on broken glass
grabbing the succulent
carefully
and nestling him back into his pot.
Why am I so attached to him?
it's not really him, it's just a plant, I wondered
but
it made me realize
it's the one of the few things
that keeps you close
-broken window
gossip
drips like poison
from the lips of decievers
and we are taught
that we can become
immune
that the venom will cease to burn
our delicate flesh
rotting our mind away
that the venom will deflect
like water.
lies
lies spoken by those
without scorch marks of their own.
you never become immune
you just learn
to ignore
-happiness and success is the greatest revenge
rain
wash my sins away
make music in the night
lightning
light the darkness in my soul
bring a smile to this face
thunder
shake the fear off my bones
remind me the power of God
wind
bring life into these lungs
and yet make me forget how to breathe
clouds
soften my heart
wrap me in your cloak of wonder
glistening moon
make these tired eyes shine once more
effortlessly elegant, as you always are
-the closest feeling to being with you, is being in a thunderstorm
And of course
I love you
to the moon and back💜💜💜
Art Exhibit by Young the Giant
100 Bad Days by AJR
Temporary Love by Ben Platt
Crystal Clear by Pharrell Williams
Como Yo by Juan Louis Guerra
