Amelie Howell-Lester ~ Adopted by Phan

I hurt my bestfriends

It is the next day and I was hanging out with Zoe and Marzia by the pool since the boys had a show. "So Amelie have you met any boys that you like?," Zoe giggled and I shook my head. "Well if you ever get a boyf-," Dan, Phil and all the boys walked in. Thank fucking God! "Hey guys!," I said running over to Dan and Phil with everyone awing. "Hey Ams!," Dan and Phil said wrapping their arms around me.

We were all chilling around the pool and I was lying on the side of the pool looking straight up. I was falling into a pit.... well not literally but mentally. What is life?  Why are all on the planet? We are all going to die alone and sad so why be here at all? Life is pointless. No one will care if I die. I am useless just like what Emily said. I turned to look at the pool and see everyone laughing and splashing each other. I stood up, grabbed my phone and room key, and walked back to our room. I got a hot chocolate from Starbucks, which was in the hotel ikr amaaziiingggg!, and walked to the room. I looked at the time and it was 3:04pm. I threw my phone on the side and played music loud. I am so obsessed with this song called Let You Down by NF and it fits my mood perfectly. I flop onto my bed and sigh.

~CUTTING WARNING~

My scars are healing but I felt an urge to cut again so I grabbed the razor and stamped on it. The blades falling out. I grabbed them and held them in my hand gripping tight, and put it to my skin. Breathing in and out I pushed it to the skin and dragged it across.

Fat

Cut

Ugly

Cut

Stupid

Cut

Depressed

Cut

Worthless

Cut 

Waste of space

Cut

Every time it felt so good. I washed the blood from my now hurting skin and washed the blade. I sighed deeply and walked back to the bedroom.

~YOU ARE SAFE~

I threw on Dan's hoodie and it still falls down to my knees since I am tiny. 5'1! I got a call from Zoe.

Z: Amelie? Are you alright honey?

A: I am alright Zoe. At the hotel room. Got bored and didn't want to go swimming.

Z: Okay do you want me and Marzipan to come up?

A: Urmm

Z: We will bring Starbucks and Oreo cheesecake? We can have a chat?

A: Okay deal. Can I have a frap please? I will pay you back.

Z: Okay and I will pay. See you in a few.

A: Thanks Zo. Tell Marzipan I said thanks. See you in a few.

I hung up and smiled. It was nice to feel loved. I texted Phil.

A: Hey Dad I am in the hotel room so don't panic. Z and M are coming up x See u in a bit.<3

I heard a knock on the door so I opened it. I saw Zoe and Marzia. "Hey guys!," I smiled and they walked in. We put Netflix on and Zoe went to the toilet but came out with a blank expression. SHIT I DIDN'T CLEAN THE BLADE AND SINK AND TOWELL!! "Amelie... Can I see your wrists?," I had done millions of slices in my lifetime and my whole arms are covered in scars but the six latest ones where bright red and still had blood coming to the surface at times. "Amelie?," Marzia looked at Zoe and Zoe nodded. Marzia grabbed my wrists and pulled up my sleeves. I screamed and kicked out at Zoe and punched out at Marzia. My whole body has now being completely taken over by the demons that make me angry and I don't know what I am doing. I did it again and kicked Zoe in the chest and punched Marzia in the nose. "GET THE FUCK OUT!," I screamed with tears pounding my face. They ran out and the demons left me. I was shaking so badly. I just hurt my bestfriends...