The Bet //S•M

•31•

My throat closed up, and my eyes began to sting yet again at the sight of Shawn in my house. His eyes connected with mine, and if it wasn't for my hand on the stairs Rail I think I would've fallen to the floor.

Shawn blinked, and his mouth was open the slightest. His gaze was so intense and I felt vulnerable, all I wanted to do was hide under my bed like a child would.

This was the first encounter face-to-face since the break up, and so far I wasn't dealing with it too well. I had no words, no motivation to move or tell him to leave; I just stared back.

He looked a little different; a lot more rough than usual. His curls of hair were all over the place and his under eye bags were visibly poking out, showing his lack of sleep. But I couldn't judge, I looked a lot worse.

My reaction was the mirror of his, and it felt as if all sound and air had been sucked out of the very room, showing how uncomfortable I was feeling.

I finally sighed, breaking the intense eye contact. "W-why are you here?"

He gulped, taking a step closer towards where I was stood. "I can't go on not knowing if I have a chance of fixing this..."

His angelic voice was something that put everyone else's to shame. As each word passed from his mouth, I could feel the fuzzy feeling grow in my stomach, the nerves building up like a Lego house.

Closing my eyes, I allowed my hair to drop down to cover my face from his naked eyes. "Shawn-"

I was interrupted by him, his voice on the painful edge of breaking. "No, don't talk. You need to give me a chance to explain, I'll tell you everything. Just please, let me."

His energies were drenched in desperation and it was a blow to my face, letting me know how badly he wanted to explain. His words made me over-think things over and a switch immediately clicked in my head.

I soon came to the realisation that I was too busy drowning myself in embarrassment and self pity to consider bringing myself up for air to here what he had to say. I was being way too self centred, and somewhat selfish.

"Fine," I looked down at my feet, and gestured into the living room. He gave me a small smile of relief, and slowly made his way into the room with me stumbling behind.

The smell of him smack me in the face and all I wanted was to embrace myself in the heavenly scent like I used to. His smell was something I fell in love with, along with the man himself.

He hesitantly sat down on the couch, with his legs spread open and his hands placed on them. He let out a huff of air, before speaking. "I don't know where to start."

"From the beginning, maybe?" I sharply replied, crossing my arms across my chest. My eyes softened as I saw his mouth morph into a frown and I sighed. "Why, Shawn?"

"I was stupid. It was completely careless what I did, and I know that's not a valid excuse. I was only thinking about what I was going to get out of the situation, I didn't consider you or your feelings and I'm the biggest prick for doing that," He shook his head at his words, his gaze kept on the floor as if he was scared to meet my eyes.

"At first my intentions were just for the money, maybe something else from you too..." He looked up at me wearily, and I closed my eyes to blink back my tears, knowing exactly what he meant.

"But then I got to know you, and I couldn't believe how different I imagined you to be. I agreed with the Bet because I misjudged you as just another high school 'miss perfect' when that was wrong of me."

He paused for a second, running a hand through his hand and glancing at me again to ensure I was still listening.

He gulped, and continued. "I-I pulled out of the bet when I knew what I felt was real, and how I couldn't imagine a day without you in it," He laughed gently at this, as if karma was hitting him in the face.

His words were like weights being added into a back bag on my back, and it was beginning to drag me down. I didn't know what to say or do, other than just stare at him choke on his words.

"I don't regret it though," His words were quiet, and the shake of his head made a single tear fall onto the wooden floor. A small form of anger bubbled inside of me at his words, as I immediately thought of the worst thing imaginable.

"You don't care about how much you've hurt me?" My voice raised in anger and hurt, as I frowned at the innocent looking boy. He's anything but innocent.

Shawn's eyes widened at my tone and he shook his head. "Of course I care! T-that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

He left it for a few seconds, like he was trying to get out his words carefully. "I meant I don't regret asking you to be my girlfriend. Realistically, if I had said no to the whole thing I wouldn't even know you. I would still be the same shitty, disrespectful asshole that I was before. You showed me what love was, Kelsey. I'm a new man because of you. So no, I don't regret it. I wished I'd taken a different approach, but I wouldn't take it back."

By the end of his speech I was a wreck. My heart beat pounded in every part of my body and my legs felt like they were about to snap. I had no idea how to process all of this new information, my head was beginning to spin.

His voice croaked, as he reached out to caress my hand. "Baby, please say something."

"I don't know what to say..." I paused, wiping my face with my free hand. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

He lost the eye contact. "I was afraid of losing you. But I guess not telling you made the situation worse."

His words made me understand why he's hidden it, but it didn't erase the heartbreak and pain I was feeling. None of his words had.

"That makes sense," I nodded, as a new formed silence consumed the room.

"I'm so sorry, for everything," He apologised, rubbing his thumb over my hand. "I don't expect you to take me back straight away, I don't deserve that. But at least consider giving me another chance."

His pleads were like a child asking for candy, and I sighed, biting the corner of my lip in question.

"I-I don't know, Shawn. I'm still hurting."

He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and held back his cries, then sniffled and pulled back his hand. "I'll give you some space, then."

He stood up and slowly began walking out, and I so desperately wanted to pull him back and hold him, telling him I want him back. But I couldn't do that, it wasn't the right thing to do.

So instead, I watched him walk with his head hanging low, and he turned slowly back around. "You know, I've never said this before to you and I know now isn't the right time, but fuck it," He let out a sharp breath, and rested his hand against the door frame. "I love you, so fucking much."

My breath hitched as I stared at the boy, watching his eyes glass over noticeably. His fingers trembled slightly as he released all emotions down, not giving a shit who he was with. "That's why I'm going to fix this, no matter how long it takes."

With that, he walked out of my house, leaving me in more of a wreck than I was beforehand.

I love you too, Shawn.

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New update!! Hope you like ;) 

I have a school trip tomorrow & i have to talk to strangers ughh help me

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