Chemistry

8: Goodnight

Ezra's view

When my shift is over I head home to find my mom and her shitty boyfriend passed out in the apartment. I tiptoe around them and head back into my room. I take a shower and change into my pajamas. I contemplate studying, but after flipping through pages in my textbook, I decide not to. I'm not in the mood to feel like an idiot right now, since I wouldn't understand anything.

I walk into the living room and find my mom groggily getting up. She looks at me and looks away as she tries to get up. That's my mom. It seems like she is looking at you, but she's looking through you not at you.

I walk over to help her up. She reeks of alcohol and cigarette smoke and walks over to the kitchen to grab another beer.

"Mom, it's late, just go to sleep," I beg.

"Don't tell me what to do, I'm your mother, I tell you what to do," she says slurring each word.

"Mom, you know that you can't drink when you are on anti-depressant medication. It's dangerous. You could get really sick," I explain.

'So, what if I die, at least I'll be happy drinking my beer," she says.

"Mom, please give me the bottle," I beg as I reach for it.

"No," she yells pushing me away.

"Stop, you're a good for nothing daughter. You're pathetic," she says slurring.

"Mom," I whisper.

"Don't mom me, you bitch. Get out of my sight, let me drink in peace," she says walking back into the living room.

My chest feels heavy and I can feel a lump in my throat as I try not to cry. I can't let her see what she does to me.

I walk back to my room with my head held high and the second I enter my room, I lock the door and slump down into a ball to cry.

Why is she always like this? Why does she always treat me like I'm nothing?

Can't she realize that she shouldn't be treating her only daughter like this?

I always do everything for her. She hardly gets any money from her job and she mostly waste it all on drinking. I work long hours to be able to pay rent and buy food for her and her shitty boyfriend. Her boyfriend doesn't pay for anything.

I always clean around the house and make her food, I'm the one who is always looking out for her, but no one ever does the same for me.

No one ever realizes that my life is a shit show.

No one has ever tried to help me before.

Not even, when my dad left when I was just ten years old. Who does that? Who just leaves their child behind?

My dad betrayed me. I thought he was such a good person, I thought he was caring and loving, but I was wrong. He left me and my mom. He left us.

He told me it was because he couldn't be near my mom and her depression, but he left me with her.

He packed his bag and left. I've never seen him since.

And I've been the one to look after and take care of my mom. After he left, her depression got worse.

She's tried to kill herself a couple of times in the past. It started with pills and went to cutting herself.

Do you know how hard it was as I child to take care of her?

I love her so much, but sometimes I wish I could leave, but then I start feeling so guilty thinking about that. If my mom doesn't have me, then she will have no one. My grandparents are dead, and my aunt and uncle want nothing to do with their sister.

We are all alone and I don't know how much more we can take.

What's going to happen when I graduate high school? Am I going to be able to go to college, or do I have to start working more.

I of course, can't leave my mom, I just can't. I can't go to another state for college, I can't even go somewhere very far for a couple of hours, because I'm so worried about my mom.

Is this what my life will be like forever? Is life always going to be this horrible?

I finally crawl over to my bed and lay down, I try to fall asleep as the tears keep coming out.

Then suddenly I hear a notification on my phone, I grab it and notice a text message from Avery.

Hey, Ezra. I know it's late, but I just wanted to ask if you want to study a little bit on Saturday. I know you work late, but you can come over afterwards and we can study for like an hour or two. So, yeah, just text me back when you can, and I totally get it if you don't want to do it.

The text brings a smile to my face and I text back,

That sounds like a good idea. See you then, Avery.

That's awesome. See you Saturday.

I put my phone on my nightstand and am about to go to sleep when I get another text. I check my phone and read,

Just wanted to say goodnight. Goodnight, don't let the bed bugs bite, Ezra.

Goodnight, love.

I can't stop the smile growing on my face as I put my phone away. Avery is such an amazing person.