Delicious Rose

37

Rose

I'm cold, too cold, I turn my body trying to find heat, his warm body. Opening my eyes, I reach for him, but he's nowhere to be seen. I jolt up, the room still dark. I climb out of bed and walking over to the window, peering through the blinds. It's still pitch black, what time is it? Walking over to my phone I pick it up, the screen burning my eyes as it lights up. Four-thirty?

"Luca?" I whisper opening my bedroom door, maybe he's in the kitchen? I wrap my arms around my naked body as I tiptoe through the flat, checking both kitchen and living room, both empty. The lamp next to the coffee table on, lighting the room slightly. A pen in the centre of the table with a few pieces of paper scattered across the top of the oak. Has he snuck out? Why the fuck would he just leave after everything?

Closing my bedroom door, I walk back over to my bed, flopping my body down I hear paper crumble underneath my head. I sit up quickly, turning on my bedside lamp, an envelope resting on his pillow.

Rose.

My heart pounding against my chest as fear walks all over me, why has he left me this? My hands shaking nervously as I rip it open, my fingers slowly unfolding the delicate pieces of paper. What the fuck is going on?

To my darling Rose,

I know you are probably wondering what is going on? And why I have left this where I should be sleeping. I'm going to tell you everything, I promise you I didn't want to leave. I really didn't. The truth is, I'm leaving London, for good. My flights at five am, so by the time you have read this I will be gone. I never told you everything, well about my work. Months ago, before I met you, I was offered a promotion, an incredible opportunity that I have been dying to have since I started working at the company. It's been five years and now it's my turn, I don't know how long I'll be gone for or if I will come back.
When I met you, I didn't think anything of it, because I didn't want commitment and once I got close to you I knew I had screwed up, not just with the Daniel thing, but with my work. I had grown attached to you and I don't want to leave, but I know if I stay with you, I would find some stupid way to fuck this up.
If I told you that I refused the offer of a lifetime you would have bitten my head off, told me to go. You deserve so much more than what I could ever give you Rose. I even tried talking to my boss but everything had been sorted, I couldn't back out and I cannot afford to lose my job, I've worked so hard to get where I am today. Please, please do not think I don't love you. The truth is, I have never, ever loved someone so strongly in my entire life, writing this before leaving is breaking my heart in ways I have never known possible.
My intentions were never to hurt you, or leave you broken. Knowing you'll wake up alone is killing me but I know I need to do this for myself, for you. I need to get out of London and start a new life. I just wish I was man enough to have told you everything instead of sneaking out of your flat at one in the morning.
You will find someone, who will love every single thing about you. Just like I do, they may even love you more than I do. Which I highly doubt, but you will meet someone who will never cause you so much pain like I stupidly did, because they will not be blind. They will see what they have in front of them. I was too late to figure everything out, I will always be internally sorry for that.
Promise me something though my beautiful girl, promise me you will stay exactly as you are, confident, strong, intelligent and kind. God you are so fucking kind and brilliant, with so much life ahead of you, I know you will hate me for leaving you. You will thank me one day though, I'm not a good person to be around Rose. I used to be good; I never hurt anyone until you. And I hate myself for ever stooping so low and becoming everything I hate. I was not brought up to be a monster. What happened to you is a prime example of why I can't be with you, it will haunt me forever and I deserve that.
I won't tell you where I am going, I haven't told anyone apart from my family. Not even Nick. This may not be the end for us, but for now it has to be. I need to sort myself out as selfish as that sounds, but I know your life will be better without me in it. Our lives may cross again in the future, when I'm not such a fuck up and you have gracefully gone through life smashing every obstacle in your way. Leaving you might not be such a bad thing when that time comes, I may not regret this so much if I ever see you again.
Unfortunately for now, I have to go. For me, especially for you. You are the most beautiful girl I've ever met and I will never know how I got so lucky, even if it wasn't for long, but I had you, I fell in love with you and you loved me back. It was perfectly short and sweet. It was real. Stay safe, stay perfect and I will always be yours, like you are and always have been mine.
You are my forever.
Luca Haynes

This moment, right here. This is the moment I realized I had never loved Theo like this, I never loved Theo this strongly, so passionately. I had never loved anyone like this. My head pounding, my fingers shaking as I re read the letter. This is pure heartbreak, he's gone, he's really gone this time. I can't contain myself anymore as I bury my face into my pillows, tugging on the material trying to rip it apart. My screams aren't helping the pain inside my chest, the tears not lifting any relief. I don't think anything ever could.

"Rose?!" I hear the girls running through my bedroom towards me, but I can't even look at them. I can't stop the screams, my heart in excruciating pain. I can hardly breathe, I can't do anything.