Delicious Rose

38

Rose

One week, it's been one long painful week. I've tried everything to keep myself distracted, but it seems near enough impossible. Pestering Daniel didn't help either, he had no clue that Luca was ever planning on leaving London. He never told any of us, I even wanted to ask his parents.

The idea of driving to Hythe to speak to people I had never met before almost sounds psychotic, the girls told me not to. So here I am, on a Friday night wrapped in my fluffy dressing gown sitting on the balcony smoking a whole packet of cigarettes and drinking a whole bottle of wine.
I have truly lost it, I've felt lost before. Only for a few things, the loss of my father, when I confessed to Wayne's sexual abuse, Theo breaking my heart. This feels different somehow; I can't put my foot on it. I have only known Luca a couple of months, I learnt the truth that our relationship was a spineless game. I also know he loved me, he didn't want to but he couldn't stop himself, the same as me. I didn't want to fall in love with him, but I also knew it was inevitable.

The bright city lights dance below me as I take a sip of my wine, I remember when we sat out here for hours one night, on a work night and we didn't go to sleep until three in the morning. We spoke about everything, my childhood with my father and he told me all about his sister and how she broke Luca's nose because of a stolen chocolate bar. It was the little things really, growing to know each other and falling in love.

"You need to get out of the flat Rose." Chloe's voice almost startles me as I look straight ahead. I don't answer her, I contemplate leaving and going out with them tonight. They have been nagging me all week to join them for drinks.

"Please Rose, we are so worried about you." Darcy speaks, walking past Chloe and taking a seat on the floor next to me. I look at her, my eyes sting and my throat almost dry.

"I feel like this is worse than when Theo broke your heart." She murmurs.

"It is worse, so much worse." I whisper, trying so hard not to cry, but my eyes cannot hold the tears in any longer, it's only been two hours since I last cried, but I'm a sobbing mess. I bow my head and cry into my hands, I feel the heat of both the girls as they cuddle into me. Surely, they've had enough of this.

"We know, you love him so much." Chloe sighs into my hair, they know how much I loved Theo, but what I had with Luca was so different. I grew apart from Theo, we grew up and we changed as people. Luca met me when I was trying to rebuild myself and he brought me out of my shell, he made me feel better about myself, even if those intentions were not to at first. He did though, now I feel even worse than before.

I know everyone tells you to never rely on a man to be happy, I was happy, slightly. Luca came into my life and he somehow brightened everything just by the way he smiled, how his gentle fingers traced over my skin making me feel beautiful, how badly he sang to my favourite songs in the car, or the way his eyes glistened in the sun. All I have now are a couple of cheesy selfies we took and his hoodie he left one night. It's all I have of him, his numbers changed and he's removed all social media so I cannot even find out any sort of information.

"Can we please take you out Rose?" Chloe asks again. I close my eyes, before looking at both of my girls. There makeup flawless and their hair ready to take on the night with half a can of hairspray holding it in place. They are trying to be supportive, even if that means we go for drinks. They want me to have fun. So why not?

"Ok, give me an hour." I tell them, my muscles ache as I stand up slowly. Picking up my wine and fags I walk back into the flat, their happy squeals drown out as I walk down the hallway and into my bedroom. Before I close the door, they follow me in. Chloe opening my wardrobe whilst Darcy grabs my arm and guides me to the mirror where all my makeup and hair products sit.