Delicious Rose

44

Rose

We have one more night left in New York, before we fly back to London tomorrow evening. Keeping myself busy has never been such a priority before, the girls have been supportive. I told them most things, Chloe not so impressed. She's never trusted him, whilst Darcy has always had a soft spot for Luca. She's always seen the best in him, I can't figure out what I feel.
I've still not told Jacob that I saw Luca, I don't know how I can tell him. Or if I even should? Just act like it never happened and go on with my life, forget about the boy with the beautiful tattoos and topaz eyes.

How could I possibly forget? Like do I truly believe I could forget? I've never forgotten about him. Even listening to my favourite Artists like Hurts or Harry Styles I think about him, he's in every word of every lyric of every song. I want to erase him, make him disappear but I know it's not possible.

Walking away from him honestly felt like my heart was breaking all over again, I know how wrong it is. I have a boyfriend back home who has stuck by me, who has truly adored me for so long. I also know my body doesn't crave his touch, his kiss, to be near him. His kisses don't burn like fire; Luca made me hot and ache with pure desire.

I need to get away from this city, it's been astonishing, bright, beautiful and a completely different experience. The most beautiful place I have been to in a long time, I'm almost grateful that I got to see Luca again. To hear what he had to say, to see how healthy and happy he looked. How well he is doing in life, it was nice and I feel better knowing I finally got to say goodbye to him. It's all I needed.

There was something else though, the way he kissed my forehead or wrapped his arms around my waist a little too hard. The electricity that sent currents through my body, telling me not to leave, forcing me to stay with him. How his eyes watched my every breath, like he was begging me to hang onto him. Even though I know he doesn't want that, he was being polite, he pitied me.
I decided to tell Darcy, whilst Chloe was on Facetime with Chris. I told her how we pressed our foreheads together, like the years never happened and we were still in love. How he said he never wanted to say goodbye, his eyes soaking with tears that he refused to let fall. I had to leave him, I didn't trust myself. Jacob would be heartbroken if I ever did something so spineless, so I left Luca standing there.

"He still loves you Rose." Darcy tries to get into my head, but I watch the city from below as I smoke a cigarette. My feet aching from all the walking, sightseeing we have done. Central Park was stunning, the sun beaming down on us all day, the views were incredible. I also fell in love with Grand Central station, the constellations mural painted on the ceiling. I sometimes wonder if the people of New York see what myself and every tourist see? Everyone posting their pictures on social media, showing the world how much fun they had in New York City.

How everyone who visits falls in love, it has this buzz that I have never seen before; the people have so much life and excitement. The food incredible, the portion sizes are huge. I won't forget the performers on the subways, trying to get some extra cash as they spin around a poll or accidentally kicking a commuter in the face.
"You're not listening to me Rose, he's not happy with her I can tell." Darcy's still nagging at me, but I can't think. I don't want to think about it anymore, I'm officially drained from this holiday. I'm drained that Luca has worked his way inside my head after so long of being shut out.

"I have Jacob, remember that Darcy." I answer her finally, she rolls her eyes before leaning back in her chair.

"Yeah, but I also remember how much you loved Luca, how much you still do." I drop my face into my hands, I know she's still right. I can't let it happen though, my life in England is so different now, I can't just decide to be with Luca.

"I just wish you could see it, the way he looked at you on Friday night was insane, he still loves you, I know it. He has a rose tattooed on him to remember you, that says it all." She rubs her hand up and down my back, trying to comfort me. I look up, her face soft and her smile sad for me.

"It's not possible if that even was true, can we just forget about it for one last night, go have some fun?" I ask, she nods her head as we both stand up. I put out my cigarette, looking over the hectic city again, the night sky lit up by skyscrapers and the people below ready for the what's to come tonight.

"Let's go get some drinks!" Chloe yells as we step into the bedroom, she's off the phone now. I pick up my clutch bag, running my fingers through my hair one last time. My white blouse oversized and tucked into my black skinny jeans, my knee-high boots slick against my jeans. I'm ready for one last night; we've been out every single night. Tomorrow would be a busy day of packing and rushing to the airport for our evening flight back to good old England.

"You look beautiful, let's go." Chloe stands behind me, her smile bright. Honest and as gorgeous as ever. I know it's bad to hide stuff from her, she's been a good friend for years. Unfortunately, every time Luca has been mentioned she has to be negative. She told me to see him on Saturday, but refuses to have sympathy for what he says, she knows how much he hurt me. I know she's just trying to protect me, but I'm a big girl. I make my own decisions.
After a couple of drinks, I can hardly feel any emotion. Except how much I love the city, how much I love my girls. Every night I've been distracted but when morning comes, I remember him. The truth is, its pissing me off so much. Just get me back to England and Jacob so I can forget he ever existed.

It's been two years, two fucking years it took me to stop thinking about him. I moved on and sometimes I would go weeks without thinking about him. The first night in New York and I see him, now he's made his way back into my head, it's like a computer virus you just can't get rid of. I'm sick of it.

"If one more guy asks to buy me a drink, I'm going to kill someone." Darcy chuckles. I join in whilst, Chloe rolls her eyes before sliding off her stool.

"Rounds on me girls, Gin and Tonic?" She asks.

"Pink Gin and lemonade." I tell her she smiles before turning and walking to the bar.

"So, have you spoken to Jacob?" Darcy asks, her eyes slightly bloodshot. I don't really want to have this discussion whilst slightly pissed. Why does alcohol make everyone so much more emotional? I can't deal with any Luca conversations tonight because I know what will happen. I will cry my heart out.

"Not really, but he's super busy at work." I answer her. Sipping on the rest of my drink, watching the crowds of people enjoying their night. When you grow up in a normal town, pubs and bars are not busy due to people working the next day. London and New York are the same in the sense that no matter what day of the week it is, it never really dies down.

Once Chloe's back with our extremely overpriced drinks we talk about tomorrow's plans, what time we need to leave for the airport. All the boring stuff that need to be done. I really don't want to leave this place, but I have to for my own sake. Knowing how close he really is, is literally driving me insane. I feel on edge and I'm questioning everything that has happened since he left me. I hate it.

Why couldn't he have been somewhere like Italy? Or Paris? Maybe even Hong Kong. Just not New York. Every time I'm going to think of this city or even hear the words 'New York' now it's him I'm going to think about now, that pisses me off. He needs to get out of my head, once I'm back in the UK he might just fade again and everything will go back to normal.

"You okay?" Chloe pulls me out of my stupid thoughts, I hate how my mind just goes over and over every single detail possible. Overthinking is not going to help me right now, its just going to kill any buzz I have left.

"Yeah I'm good, just going to miss this place." I answer, they both smile warmly at me as I look down at the table. Hoping they don't see the tears falling down my face, I'm going to miss this city. I'm going to Miss Luca all over again, I hate myself for it.